Gruffi Gummi: why am i so angry all the time? maybe it has something to do with the Gummiberry Juice, why aren't there pot gummies in it?
Chris McLean from Total Drama: what's the tiny burlap sack around my neck on my necklace? pixie dust to keep my neck muscles from bulging...
at Bard College.
Chevy Chase: you, you, and me, we could be the first really strong citizen scientists.
Carl Sagan: Bill Nye, not you.
Olympics: what's in the Olympic Box? movie posters.
Quentin Tarantino: the reason America went to shit is people stopped collecting movie posters. and LONG incense sticks...
Maestro Kyle: i didn't teach Layne Staley to sing, i taught him how to use his voice to express his DEEP pain. Ann Wilson was already an accomplished opera singer. i taught Cus D'Amato how to box.
me: i'm not gay, but i'm attracted to David Hogg...
David Hogg: right?
Tony Hawk: kids, always listen to your parents. but how'd i get so cool in the '80s? halfpipe.........both meanings...
me: i feel it. i feel it in the air. i feel it in my bones. there's something missing. something FOREVER LOST.
Jen R: surely you can retrieve it. go on a quest and reclaim it. in this we pray.
me: may such a magic forest exist.
Jen: i know you're trying real hard at this.
me: i just want the perfect nickname.
Jen: you can't be Hard Charger with that bumfluff for a beard.
me: i had to shave it off, the monastery was whistling at me.
Jen: i'm sorry but the best you can do with that face is Kiwi Grabber.
Lindy Lenz: i'm thinking Backstop.
dad: not a lucky penny on the asphalt but two LUCKY QUARTERS, think about it...
Colin Jost: i got my surfer body at Tahiti.
Scarlett Johansson: because no one can find it on a map...
Andy Warhol: i want Cyndi Lauper to look for me if i get lost at 10PM.
Andy Warhol's mother: DINNER!!!
Fosters Freeze: Brooks Koepka?
a floating leaf of purple cabbage lands on Talia's head.
Akira Kurosawa: that's the move.
at the Paris Olympics Opening Ceremony.
Celine Dion: the newspapers are saying i had a stiff performance...
NY Post headline: Stiff Performance
Spinal Tap: we know how you feel...
at a Parisian corner cafe.
Camus: why do you jog marathons, mon ami?
Sartre: because it's no fun FEELING SICK ALL THE TIME. it's better to FEEL HEALTHY even if life is meaningless.
me at my island kitchen: i'm getting experimental. i'm thinking Chicken Piccata. i get OBSESSED with ONE INGREDIENT. this week it's capers, it only lasts a week.
Lindy Lenz: is this from Islands restaurant?
rain: the Olympics will be postponed a month...
Paris mayor: it's not fair. rain makes for tastier escargot but it also turned the Seine back into a cesspool of E.coli. all that work down the drain, both meanings...
on my way: the most beautiful three words one human can say to another human.
Uber: ...
Uber: imagine a car that delivers food...
Gemini from American Gladiators: why do you need a tower for power? what is all this extra power for?
Melissa Maker: i'm Canada's Hoda Kotb!!!
Paris Games: we're also the Canada Games...
Colombia flag: a wedding will have good luck if the chairs are wicker.
Trinity: this is my voice, not my meow. cats have a voice in this society.
Sting in a speedo: dune-racing on sailboats with wheels should be an Olympic sport.
Lume Lady: my new name for the vagina: eye folds. come on, i win with that one.
CASA: um, can i have an advocate to see if i have a good life if i'm NOT a foster kid? can you get a sponsor if you're NOT an alcoholic?
Jesus: what. during the real Last Supper i ate with the Smurfs.
Misty May: beach volleyball with the Eiffel Tower towering above us.........i'm not Pokemon.
Kenyatta: my sister-in-divorce is my sister in real life, the only woman i can talk to, we don't have Oprah anymore...
Claudine Pepin: the Olympic Anthem is being replaced with the Tommy Richman "Million Dollar Baby" music video...
Pink Floyd: surely we're doing the Sphere in Las Vegas next.
eels: eels first.
Roger Federer: what have i been doing since retirement? went down to Santa Ynez in November of 1995 with Scott and the boys.
Stone Temple Pilots: Rodge gave us a few pointers on their public courts which are private courts.
Pointer Sisters: the Williams Sisters played bass and organ.
Storybook International: the only place remaining on Earth where you can still fall asleep in a meadow in the middle of the day...
Storybook International: please let those be REAL CASTLES and not sets...
Neutral athlete at the Olympics: from Switzerland.
Mardith: a woman Olympic athlete who's a conservative? how? it's impossible. you're a fucking AMAZON, baby!!!
Carmel: the dog capital of the world.........whether you like it or not.
Noah Eagle: i got more muscles than The Terminator.
Dwyane Wade: my fingernail is blue, i love my kid.
Dwyane Wade: this whole time you thought it was Dwayne...
South Sudan: we're a basketball powerhouse. this is our 1992 Barcelona Dream Team...
Mavournee: most beautiful name in the world.........most beautiful Power Rangers name in the world...
Canadian bacon: are there drones in prison?...
maple syrup: does prison have a soccer field?...
masked horse-rider: my favorite cabinet at the '80s arcade was always the cross-country equestrian POV video game...
Sarah, solemnly with eyes closed at the Sailor Mars shrine: my prayer slip is this One Piece sticker off my lost car's bumper...
temple maiden: how do i not trip with these skirt pants?...
Smurfs: we know how to ride horses...
fencing is flirting.
Lee Kiefer Sutherland: hardcore punk band.
Minster: i'm only attracted to hermitesses...
grey seagull: holy shit!!! we forgot to make the asphalt WATERPROOF!!!...
mustard: you've never gotten the BIG BOTTLE OF MUSTARD...
trees: we're smarter than people. don't do that to us on Christmas.
Lucas from Lucas: i'm a specialist. electrical engineering. molecular engineering. pommel horse, no pressure...
me: the most gorgeous yellow lab walked alongside me on my walk this morning.
Jen: were you scared?
me: i normally would be but this dog was gentle. and big. poor guy just wanted to stretch his paws out on the beach, his frantic owner was panicking with the leash.
dog: my name is Sunny D. i'm not doing this for show, i'm here to lead you into the magic forest...
when i'm inside the magic forest, the dog is gone.
me: something is MISSING. something is LOST. i feel it in my crust. the magic is gone. the magic has vanished in a trice.
Ellen Kushner: and i'm not coming through that door. the door of this forest.
Weiland: STP was fine but i always wanted to be a monk. you're not a true monk unless you were a Medieval monk. Medieval monasteries were the mansions of their day. i will be the monk who marries Morwen. giantess sex is INSANE.
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