* the doctors say in order for me to stay in the locked insane asylum i gotta do some form of exercise. either Noom or Fitbit. i told him i choose the one where you do those mind puzzles but they said i have to exercise my heart so i wrote a letter to an old college flame who broke my heart and we made up. while wearing a unitard. i told them i thought staying at a funny farm would be cool like in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, i asked them where Jack is, where The Indian is. they told me Jack Nicholson hasn't worked in ages...
* COLLEGE FLASHBACKS!!! i can't take it! whenever i see those subway slots i think of Berkeley. course in my day we didn't have highfalutin gadgetry that you put your watch screen to the slot and that takes the place of the ticket you had in your smelly leather wallet. i cherished that ticket, cos i could never afford concert tickets to SP when they still had D'arcy with the apostrophe. some leaped the entire process and just jumped over the slot, they were the ones who became Olympic parkourists and trapeze artists who could kiss a woman on the downward swing or cops. BART was my best friend, even though he was a cowboy. there were always cavity searches, but in my day they were done for fun in the street...
* Cenk from Young Turks. he's still pissed his MSNBC show didn't work out. remember that period in MSNBC lore when they were trying out new hosts? like 40 different hosts? they even tried out that Martin guy who exposed Michael Jackson---if you know what i mean. i always liked that guy, loved his accent, i learned the phrase "drugs cheat" from him. he drove crosscountry just to break into Neverland with his new evidence. but then he went crazy over some pizza thing and MSNBC canned him.
* guy on date: you know we're all gonna have to eat a plant-based diet soon or the Earth will explode. it's simply unsustainable to keep breeding cattle for meat.
woman on date: is that a crack at my bald head? you think it looks like a head of lettuce?
* woman exercising: why am i sweating? i thought this was virtual!
instructor: COBRA KAI!!!
* group of runners: it's dangerous for women to run at night...unless you're in a group of kickass women Marines who've killed many enemy soldiers in war on the frontlines.
* exerciser: is this yoga? why are my pants so tight?
fellow exercise biker: cos you're sweating too much. you gotta breathe. and you gotta let your pants breathe.
male yoga-er: i'm not wearing any pants. cos i'm smarter than the average bear.
* dude with full beard in bed: what time is it? where are we? it feels like i've slept for 100 years.
wife in bed: you weren't supposed to wake up till Movember.
dude: what's that crying?
wife: that's your soul. and the baby, get up and feed her.
dude: we have a baby? last thing i remember the Dodgers won the World Series…
* dog: i pant. humans should pant, too.
male yoga-er: i pant...
dog: that's pants!
* restauranteur: does that thing predict if we're going on a second date?
Joey Greco: you don't want to know...
CLICK HERE RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK
happy weekend, my babies.
everyone stay safe out there. i'm worried about the ancient kingdom of Atlantis...
TOMORROW: so after the whole stargazy pie this week, i decided i'll skirt the stargazing at least for one week to recover, instead i'll have a Triple Double Crunchwrap from Taco Bell instead of looking up at the stars. i really just do this for the box. you know what Oscar Wilde would say right now...
why doesn't Taco Bell serve fish tacos?