* shut up and be counted? if that's what it takes
* Trump: the census. it's more powerful than even the Courts, which is why i keep a glass coin jar by my glass bubblegum jar by my nightstand.
Pence: why am i put in charge of anything, sir? that's not my job!
Trump: you're a doctor, Mike. you look like a doctor. one of those frontier country doctors. you have white hair like a doctor's lab coat.
* according to US, not the U.S.
* in America, you can either be a track star or a hopscotch champion...
* we all count, whether you eat bread by the loaf or twice-cooked...in other words, toasted
* Phoenix: what are all those symbols on your shawl?
priest: i'm a priest. but it's not what you think. i just really like ceremony, pomp, circumstance, and fonts. see this bird patch?
Phoenix: ain't got no time for bird sex.
priest: exactly. i'm celibate cos i can't find a date. the thing is, i'm a Phoenix-worshipper.
Phoenix: i come from a long line of ancient Sumerian and Sumatran Phoenix-worshippers.
priest: no, but the thing is, i mean, i'm really only interested in you......wanna go out on a date with me?...
* remember that man in the green business shirt and Dennis-the-Menace hair in the '90s who would be on CNN all the time espousing his constant atheist views? Michael someone. he would make fun of anybody who worshipped or had a religion, he said it was stupid to sit in an air-conditioned house and get conditioned for an hour, arbitrarily standing and sitting and sticking your tongue in the holy water.
Phoenix: that's why i fly...a Wolf is constantly on my tail...
* Phoenix: it's our right. it is what we deserve. we are humans and should be counted and receive all the arts programs we need. science is cool and all but would be boring without art and special effects like Tyson uses to punch up the scenery. we will win in November.
Bill Gates: November? we have to win NOW!!! get this thing contained.
Trump: i'm sorry for hitting on your daughter, Bill. PLEASE protect me! cure ME first!
Bill: sir stay in the White House under quarantine, NEVER go out again!
Trump: so, like i've always been doing...
* who we love: the commercial would have been more impactful showing a gay wedding. and show the cake while you're at it! lot of work went into that cake!
* that's my daughter, got a problem?! she can already beat me in hoops, run rings around me. we're carrying on Kobe and Gigi's legacy.
* hi i'm Asian Skrillex. no in fact i'm just Skrillex. this is my mother. she's from India. that's right, no, she's just from India, that's all that matters...
* Bloomberg: allocated from MY funds!!? oh, no? okay nevermind, that's fine then. the only reason i'm running for President is i want to get Trump's taxes returned to me personally, plop that cash in a gold sack down on my office table with a thud and i will personally spend Trump's money on Humphry Slocombe ice cream.
* 15: quick! spell quinceanera.
cowboy: oh yeah? spell achy-breaky...
* --in my country, there's water at the all-day wedding ceremony so the bride and groom can take a sacred deep-dive plunge together, both physically and symbolically.
--in my country, after the Vegas primary, there's water at the wedding so the bride can get pushed into it and ruin her expensive diamond-encrusted wedding dress and then the mother-in-law has that Instagram pic for later at divorce court.
* baby: what is this stuff? milk? wow, it's like chalky water!
old woman: MILK!!? FUCK MILK. been drinking milk since i was a baby! give me my chalks so i can sidewalk-art.
* daughter: mommy, why do you have to go to war?
mom: i made a deal with the President: the good news is you don't have to go to school anymore. the bad news is...you're good at soccer, right? you have to win the next Olympics even if they're canceled or the war will continue forever.
* and soon, the marching band was the only thing left of Portlandia...
* Trump: traditional Chinese dragon? nah, that's Spongebob.
CLICK HERE RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: i don't want to alarm, i want to inform. so i'm getting the BFC at Carl's Jr. stands for Big Fucking Carl's Deal. it's a burger with an insane fucking large wheel of melting cheese in the middle. and yes this ring is yellow and orange and hot but don't read too much into that...