1. with whom would you love to sing a duet? Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett but i'm gonna wait till they both turn 200
2. have you ever cried over a pet? which?
Artax *cries*. oh yes, i've cried over ALL my pets. i've had many occasions to unfortunately. there was Toto and Lady my poodles who had a litter while i was at Indio summer-renting a silver shack in the California '80s. then of course there was Sandy my black lab, he never died but i had to give him up to a farm in the Hollywood Hills for him to stretch his legs and run cos my space was too small for him, he was so big he was like that green guppy that grows so big he can't be contained in the NYC apartment bathtub and must be moved to the indoor YMCA pool. before Clifford.
and there was a hamster that i swear i remember i had but my parents don't. i have the wheel on my necklace. i've cried so much over my bed i'm an Ingmar Bergman character at this point. but an amazing thing happened on the way to the Forum in L.A., i had a dream where i saw me on the bed and all my pets crying over me. i opened my eyes and i was floating on a rainbow cloud, i turned my lips to slurp it and it tasted like Skittles.
3. do you think your personality needs polishing?
yes. why aren't i President? why haven't i won an Oscar yet? why am i just in my monastery cell all the time blogging? all i want to do is fuck. all i want to do is fuck everyone in the world. and then after treat them to a game of Kung Fu Master on my Nintendo. or if they're all out of the old game at Fedco, we travel to Hong Kong to see Invader's street art of it sprawled across a wall in the Blade Runner District of a subterranean scape. that Thomas's engine never goes cold.
if i fucked Angela Lansbury from Beauty and the Beast i'd be sure to keep polished.
4. what is the worst injury you've ever had? broke my arm in 3rd Grade when i fell off my bike trying to do wheelies to impress the local Shaggy drummer teen who lived in his garage, opposite neighbor. ironically i'm still not in a band which is my only dream. my mom said i was brave but really i was in shock, i called the local fireman to come with a cast.
and then there's my adult stuff. i'm currently right now in a quaint English countryside city the same one where Mary Poppins lives and all the roofs are purple cobblestone. i'm in my therapy session with a real doctor, Doogie Howser. and my priest is there:
doctor and priest: Phoenix, we don't use the word crazy in here. but we have both concluded that your brain broke...
me: it is true that The Matrix was the last movie i watched in a theatre before my nervous breakdown, is there any correlation there?...
5. if you had a clone, what part of your life or tasks would you have it do on your behalf?
i'd get my clone to get me into a meeting with Brent Spiner in a closed room so i could get his autograph. and Matt Frewer's autograph, Matt Frewer is at the same table in his pilly blue cottony robe. this is of course back in the '90s when Star Trek was still good and relevant. i forget when people ask me who my favorite actor is, but now i remember: Brent Spiner, Matt Frewer, Willem Dafoe. and maybe Jack Nicholson, that's it, that's the list.
i want Brent Spiner to do the voice.........not the Data android voice, his actual real voice, i have no idea what he actually sounds like so when i hear his real voice it'll be so jarring it'll break my brain back to normal.
speaking of robots also it'd be nice if Rosey the Robot from the Jetsons finally becomes the Rosie the Riveter of the next century and gets herself on that poster
BONUS: gifting supermarket flowers---good or bad?
only if they come from four stores: Safeway, Lucky California, Costco, Goodwill