THE LATE PHOENIX: I WANTED TO BE FAMOUS. INSTEAD, I HAVE THIS BLOG.
Friday, January 25, 2013
BABE OF THE WINTER: MARIA LAROSA...AND HER AZZ
the holidays may be over, but winter isn't. it's fucking cold out here, i have to wear gloves inside, and that makes me look like an idiot, i get very self-conscious, even though there's nobody else here living with me 'cept my new cat. curl up with a Legend of Zelda blanket, wrap it around yourself because you are ashamed to face the world, cover your head, peek through a hole to watch tv, drink homemade hot cider that tastes like socks, and mourn your existence. y'know, certain days are over, certain methods i used for certain situations just aren't cutting it anymore. the days of emptying a large tub of raspberry ice cream whenever Fed lost a giant tennis match are over, i need something stronger now, like cider which tastes like socks dipped in laundry lint. luckily, we cold ones can warm up with a quickness by watching the lovely Maria LaRosa from The Weather Channel warn us of this winter flurry and that winter flurry. oh yeah, they actually started naming winter storms. i mean hurricane names are cool and well-earned, but storms? LE SIGH, maybe, i mean maybe, i suppose i can get used to this, though it just smacks of this world's globally wrong idea of copying every original idea that's good to death and impotency. then again, with names like Athena and that one Harry Potter reference, at least the old toads croaking over at the hurricane center have a sense of pop-culture humor. Maria will heat up even the iciest of hearts with that sublime booty of hers, those luscious breasts, model face, dentist smile, MILF credentials, and her extensive knowledge of weather and weather-related activity. she like a mother wants to care for her viewers, wants to make sure they wear a coat when they go outside in the frosty wind. gaze at her perfectly-coiffed hair, wonder what product she uses and if you can order same product online, and blow a can-see-your-breath-cold kiss to Maria, all of us blow, as she soothes our frenzied and frigid tennis souls:CLICK HERE FOR A GAM GOURMETCLICK HERE AS YOU CLUTCH YOUR CLUBSCLICK HERE FOR A WELCOME SOAKER.