TMIT: BLOWING MY BUGLE

 

i'm blowing my bugle. my Olympic bugle. it's a dream. let the fanfare of fucking commence!

my dad got the Gold Medal in Dad Jokes at the Olympics.........but he was disqualified after it was shown that he was Shatner.

1. are you watching the Tokyo 2020 Olympics? if yes, in which event are you most interested?

no i'm watching the Tokyo 2021 Olympics. the Fishing, there are athletes left over from Rio who are STILL OUT THERE on that pond in Brazil trying to catch their first bite!!! barracuda don't count, it has to be a piranha.

2. have you ever been to the Olympics, tried out for the Olympics, or do you personally know an Olympian? 

this is my sustaining dream, to go to the Olympics someday. i want Olympics tickets screw those Super Bowl tickets!!! i want to go to the Canoe Finals and when the canoe bros paddle by me they see a slender figure wearing my water-polo speedo with the Olympic Rings on the crotch.

this and to one day see a live taping of SNL...to be in that hallowed studio audience.

i tried out for the Olympics once. in Eugene, Oregon. crosscountry. back when i used my skinniness for good. got lost in the woods. ended up in a musical about the woods. and a Prefontaine mustache. i wanted to be an Olympic champion but i ended up in porn.

i know Michael Phelps. he's my therapist. he tells me to get a therapist. on tv. i do whatever Michael Phelps tells me to do.

3. do you admire any athletes? why?

Pete Sampras. cos the entire time i was fawning over him i had no idea he was a Republican.

4. how do you think people find something to be passionate about?

Wikipedia. that's what i use for research on all my novels. 

5. what sport or activity do you like to do often?

write. Roman numerals. XXXII can also mean an adult theatre for vanilla couples. before you start, learn from me i learned this the hard way, Olympiad and Triad are two different things...

BONUS: are you who you want to be?

i want to be Summer Sanders. remember Summer Sanders? remember those halcyon days when you had nothing to worry about and Summer Sanders hosted that game show on Nickelodeon?.........

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