WITHDRAWN: MICROWAVE McDONALD'S

Lucio Rossi: they don't have a microwave McDonald's section.

me: what do you mean?

Lucio: don't you think by now McDonald's would put out their Big Macs, fries, Chicken McNuggets, and that waffle thing in frozen form and sell them in the frozen aisles of supermarkets across America? and Papua New Guinea?

me: yeah seems like a missed opportunity.

Lucio: Lucky should start the trend. imagine being able to microwave McDonald's fries in a TV-dinner tray and have them taste of beef tallow...

me: that ice has been melting a long time...

in Lucio's room, it's a different matter.

Lucio: i'm sorry man, but i can't do this anymore. i've been eating McDonald's in my room for five days now, i feel NAUSEOUS from the smell. a salty greasy odor of decay wafts in my room, the scent of heavy digestion. in the space where i sleep. forgive me Lucy my first love.

me: can you counter it with a countersmell?

Lucio: yes, i've been putting coffee pods under my bed to add a layer of coffee under where i sleep perchance to dream. coffee smells bad but coffee GROUNDS smell like hope. i feel like i'm in the saved Amazon jungle...

The Weather Channel: we say Mother Nature, we can't say God...

Bud Selig: it's the saddest thing in the world that the Milwaukee Brewers have never won the World Series. we were the first baseball team...

monk: what's under my robe? pajamas.

Brother Peewit: we call the sun the Daystar...

Jen R: you're Daystar-worshippers!!!

Love Death + Robots: we are OBSESSED with the Afghanistan War...

Phoebe Buffay: you're my lobster.

David Wallace Wallace: alalceL I know...

tassel hanging from a car rearview mirror: could be atholic, could be form a strip club...

"kaleidoscope": that's gotta be a Damshing Pnpmkisn song, ight?...

The Prince of Tides: rent a beach house along the South Carolina shore for two weeks and watch this movie leisurely...

Barbra Streisand: The Prince of Tides was the ultimate '90s movie. it was also the movie where i got my mind and body right. this shy awkward Jewish girl with her funny face. for the first time in my life i felt pretty as i fucked a tired Nick Nolte on the silver screen in front of millions sitting in their seats in theaters...

Amelia Earhart: kinda cool how my plane had two car steering wheels as the yoke.

Lucio: i'm exhausted. i feel like retreating from the world forever and living in a sticky cocoon. are you impressed with me? do any of these inventions and creations of fire and gadgets of mine impress upon you in any way? do you like me?

me: of course. i liked you BEFORE all the mad-scientist scrap. you're my bes fren.   

Lucio: you did? i'm so tired. this is affecting me.

me: why sure. do you know how we became best friends? we were the two smartest students in our class. the teachers sat our desks next to each other grade after grade.

Lucio: yeah, that's how we got to talking. about Nintendo. not girls.

Lucio: do you want to join me on my duvet? the cover is buttoned like St. Cyril's nostalgia. you must promise to be my best friend till the end of my days.

me: deal.

Lucio: i need a best friend, not just a friend.