TMIT: BRRRRR, IT'S COLD

 

1. what are your thoughts on public nudity or skimpy clothing?

in the spirit of the Olympics it would be cool if everyone just doffed their clothing and went naked full-time outside in the world. then our caveman and cavewoman ancestors brothers and sisters would come out of the bushes and we could shake hands with them again, or shake knuckles. we would finally know who The Missing Link is.

2. which of the following best describes you:

a) exhibitionist

b) voyeur

c) keep nudity and things sexual behind closed doors

if everyone was truly free we'd all be truly free and there'd be no hang-ups anymore. Peeping Toms would cease to exist, which would lose an interesting character from Home Improvement. we've decided as a collective body to re-form the Garden of Eden so ALL buildings must be torn down and replaced with a flower. there are no more doors on Earth...

3. what is the most revealing outfit you have ever worn in public? Batman

4. there are only two types of beaches left in the world---clothing-optional and must-be-clothes-free. which beach will you visit?

the one with the Geico gecko

5. you have just gotten out of the shower to find that your towel is hanging outside on the clothesline. your house is full of guests. do you:

a) call out for someone to bring your towel.

b) use something else to dry yourself.

c) retrieve your towel as inconspicuously as possible wrapping it around you at the earliest chance.

d) take advantage of the sunshine and dry yourself au naturale in your backyard.

i drop trou and finally enter the WWF. not the WWE, the WWF, real wrestling from the '80s. i practice my clothesline move naked in the spirit of real wrestling. i rub my hair with a pumice stone to keep it shiny. only one of the houseguests sees me, Hulk Hogan, who gives me a wink and a smile and a thumbs-up and curls his golden mustache to wave at me:

Hulk Hogan: what's your wrestler name, rookie?

me: Golden Hour.

BONUS: have you ever skinny-dipped or visited a nude beach? 

no, i skinny-dipped so much in my youth that now i'm a 40-year-old man in an 80-year-old body. i'm so skinny i can't move any of my joints.

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY