notes:
* Kerri Green: the film Lucas didn't use any Lucasfilm. it was just a brilliant little tiny indie slice-of-life that was so brutally honest about public high school it had the patrons in the theatre peeing themselves to get out Exorcist-style.
* LeVar Burton dons his visor in the Jeopardy Studios, slides it on over his eyes and looks at the lights.
LeVar Burton: life is a sueno.
* Nine Inch Nails: just call us Rafael Nadal.
* Mardith: i've got to stop ordering the Chipotle gooey melty nacho cheese in a cup from GrubHub. for both reasons.
* Mike Richards: i'm bad. but don't confuse me with Michael Richards.
Michael Jackson: ...
ScarJo and Colin: ...
* the crones' precious delicate ears are harried mercilessly by the noise of car-show burning-rubber. Gladyce gingerly walks outside the front step of the Treehouse.
Gladyce: soft top?
Doryce: no, dear, you won't find any of those in that peloton, it's just roadsters. come inside and see my Ancestry.com date.
Gladyce: but that's a genealogy website.
Doryce: i know but the man helping me was so cute over the phone-internet he's my boyfriend now.
Bama, watching: he's a cool guy. he's on top most of the time but he's gentle.
* Peloton: we'll roll out the red carpet for you. this is as close as you'll ever get to living out your Hollywood dreams. your dog needs to work out, too, he's fat!
* Angi: take a bath with us. and you'll look like your longhair golden retriever.
* mom: these ripped jeans cost more than the non-ripped jeans.
dad: same as it ever was. Miller's Outpost in the '80s mall next to the Sbarro.
Popeye: ...
mom: Powerpuff Girl throw pillows?
dad: what's Powerpuff Girls?
mom: is it too early to send our kids to college? i want to get rid of them as soon as possible.
kid on the street skateboarding: wanna go to the prom with me?
girl on rollers: ask me again in 10 years. by then i'll be long gone away at Mount Holyoke. but keep wearing that Vaporwave shirt, that'll serve you well in the future.
* Allstate Waves:
crabs: we are being forced against our will to do the Wave in these cages...
* Kaci Beeler: FREE DOMINOES!!!
neighbors: fleas in the pizza?
Kaci: want pizza paid for by the company?
neighbors: we only like lava cakes. the cheesy bread is nasty.
Kaci: do you know Matthew Broderick? hey can you do my hair like that? can i have the black recycling cart? thank you, i've never touched the tiny cute little black recycling cart, they never gave me one in my neighborhood, can i just touch one and roll it around the block a few times, i wanna feel the touch of it, i wanna rub its underbelly.
* Kia Telluride Nightfall:
Link: Nightfall, sounds like a big bad boss battle. Telluride, a beautiful ancient Hylian name. i am not attracted to Linkle, in fact she makes me wanna tinkle. i built the best-ever hang glider but unfortunately it was sewn together from my dirty underwear and the stain spots destroyed the sun.
* Steph: Subway, where you can only get the secret sauce when you order the nasty steak sandwich.
* teacher: teacher fuel, it's not coffee, it's apple juice. i wear bunny slippers to school so the students think i'm fun. but not too fun or it becomes a Lifetime movie.
bag: everything i own is in this bag, steal it so i don't have to go to school.
ginger: Gap at Home is my revenge. i do hospital corners faster than anybody but the army discharged me for having red hair. said i needed to BE in a hospital not work in one.
teacher: these are my Three's Company shoes...
girl at bus stop: want an Oreo? it's milk's favorite cookie.
boy at bus stop: how do you know? did you ask milk yourself? i'm lactose intolerant. and intolerant.
teen: if i buy ALL the aftershave on the shelves, will i FINALLY get a prom date?
Doctor Who: the answer is no. you watch me on Saturday nights i mean Sunday nights.
mom painting son's nails: you'll be the only boy with nails did in your class, you're gonna grow up to be a rock star!
mom fixing son's fro: don't let the bullies tease you, you tell them when you grow up you're gonna be in Coheed and Cambria. and then your father will come in the powder-blue Mustang at 3 and beat up your whole class. Catholic God doesn't exist but your father does.
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: Taco Bell flatbread. how can flatbread be both flat and loaded? next time you go to a Taco Bell ask for the manager and explain this conundrum to him.
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