notes:
* check out that old footage on youtube of the 1970s Matterhorn Bobsleds at Disneyland, it's wild. i mean here we have the FIRST POV video ever but there's no youtube to post it!!! is there anything danker than riding the Matterhorn Bobsleds in the 1970s? that's Dank Disneyland. everyone wore yellow shirts and brown baseball caps and were on a school trip with their Little League team. WHOA!!! look at that mother and her sister meaning nun carrying the little baby in the front seat of the bobsled!!! that was allowed back then!!!
* Wendy's
the Wendy's babe: i'm the Wendy's babe despite me not having red hair. but i'm a ginger at heart, i'm a ginger in spirit, i won't stand for any ridiculousness.
Toby: HIGH FRY'VE!!!
Toby: fry've is a very complicated apostrophe'd word that could only be comed up with by someone who went to college. i came up with it when my mind took a recess at the gymnasium as i was watching women's volleyball...
* Don Marcari: hi, you mooks. my name is Don Marcari. don't worry, i'm NOT Frank DiLeo...
* She-Hulk, attorney-at-law: i don't need a dating app to find love!!! i'm not a freak!!!
* Flo from Progressive: allow me one whole day to be wistful. we laughed, we cried, we cosplayed, we got kicked out of our home. i put rubber cement on Jamie's scraped knee.
Jamie: now i know what sex feels like.
Flo: we Camelotted like a motherfucker. we were shiny knights shilling the last of the Round Table pizza before it went out of business...
Mara: why does the fire extinguisher smell like marshmallows?
Flo: it'll never be today again. which is a good thing or math would make sense. that's not the company bus that's my car bought for me by Jon Hamm. we knew it would last forever as long as someone pushed the REPLAY button...
* Huggies: a woman's pregnant belly is more natural and organic than our diapers...
* Willem Dafoe: oh my god, dude, you will NEVER believe what i saw on my nature walk out on the trails. i walked in my Kia Sorrento. there was this bear. and this eagle. and this fish that kept flipping and flopping on the floor. and all three animals talked to me, they said,
"YOU are the endangered species..."
* Jan from Toyota: remember, you will only ever find your soul mate DURING SUMMER. it won't happen in Fall, Winter, or Spring.
me: none of these flashback memories love stories matter along the alternate timelines except the one in which Jan from Toyota is my daughetr with Jen Pizarro...
* Vicki Behringer: being a courtroom artist is scary. being inside courtrooms with a bunch of strangers is scary.
* Boston Rob: i only appear on DIY shows now...
* Doryce: THIS IS WHY I DON'T GET ONION SALT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!! the onion salt dries out, clumps up, and becomes one hard salt stone.
Berwin: that's a lucky stone!!!!!
* The Waterboys lead singer: i mean obviously i'm the son of Mick Jagger and Bob Dylan...
* Merrick Garland: yes that was me in Wild at Heart as one of Willem Dafoe's agents in that hot-night open-air Texas courtyard...
* Aquaman drinking a cucumber water: who exactly is watching The Weather Channel's Lords of the Ocean?...
* Whoopi Goldberg: only i can do a jackknife jump...
* Puck from Real World: San Francisco: i'm a carny at Puck Fair now. a carny who drives a Camry. i keep my bike on the hood of the Camry for the commercial. they fired me from my job at the Calm app because my voice was too gravelly...
happy weekend, my babies in the front seat of a bobsled
TOMORROW: ironically, the Texas Whopper at Burger King...
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