man at the gym: you look like a boneless guy.
other man at the gym: i look like a guy who just aced his final exam with Lorne Michaels hovering over my shoulder...
Ms. Swan: he looka like a man.........MADtv WHUPPED your SNL ass in the ratings when we had Stuart.
1. does your smartphone have a grip on you? in one hour, how often do you check your phone?
a) i am glued to my phone, i check it every 1-2 minutes, it is satfisfying.
b) i check it 1-2 times per hour.
c) i check my phone only when i get notifications, and i don't get any.
d) i check at lunch time and at the end of the day mostly, unless i get a notification.
i tried to turn off my notifications but my phone wouldn't let me. my phone is glued to my fingers, i tried to wash it off but there's no glue on my fingers...
my phone gave me the grippe. but i got the vaccine.
2. Israeli spyware Pegasus marketed and sold to other governments is used to spy on activists, journalists, and political leaders. do you believe hackers are monitoring your smartphone?
LEAVE THE ACTIVISTS ALONE!!!!!!!!!! they're actually doing some good in this godforsaken world. let's keep the press free, guys, it's better in the long run.
the weird thing is when i'm thinking of purchasing the Gevalia Frothy Cappuccino and i go to the Walmart website, but i don't actually BUY the coffee, i don't TYPE the coffee in the slot. then later when i'm scrolling Stu's site or urbandictionary, there's the ad for the Gevalia Frothy Cappuccino!!!
WALMART JUST READ MY MIND!!!...
3. when you fly on an airplane do you put your phone in flight mode? yes. then a cockpit wheel rises from my seat cushion and i start flying the plane from third class...
4. what is the lock on your smartphone?
a) facial recognition
b) fingerprint
c) numerical code
d) pattern
e) i don't lock my phone
it's the same number as my high-school locker combination. mine was
SPYHUNTER
for the arcade game. okay for the Nintendo Entertainment System game. the frat guys' combination was
PUSSYHUNTER
we had frat guys at my high school...
5. do mobile phones interfere with your relationships? how?
yes. because i'm at the table with my date who's looking at her phone. i call the number of that phone so i can have a conversation with her. and then my phone blows up. not literally, it rings. i pick up and it's Sigourney Weaver wondering why i stood her up. i didn't stand Sigourney Weaver up, i would never do that, besides she's taller than me. i had to pick up some ice cream at the pharmacy.
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