AYOADE EATS

notes:

* LUCKY LUCKY!!! Paul Rudd got to eat at the Burger King Sauna in Helsinki, Finland, with Richard Ayoade. i wish i coulda been a third wheel but you have to have a monogrammed robe to enter...

* Yoplait

mom: is she mad? sad? tired? bored?

daughter: mom, i have bipolar schizophrenia, anxiety, panic attacks, untreatable clinical depression, and Impostor Syndrome.

mom: have a Yoplait...

* Meta

Lance Armstrong: see? on Meta it all still counts. on Meta i've won ALL of my Tour de Frances still...

Mira Nair: bicycles during a monsoon is very atmospheric...

* Amazon

mom: you've reached that wretched age of 14 when you'll start having.........urges.

daughter: my name is Jessica Ma, my boyfriend calls me ma...

mom: i've read your entire diary cover-to-cover.........what's up with all the skateboard stickers?

daughter: don't worry mom, i practice safe sex with my boyfriend, we've seen ALL the Trojan ads. what is Bang For Your Buck?

mom: that's a Wayfair thing, that whole Wayfair Scare thing turned out to be completely made up.

* goalie: where's my free steak burrito?

Taco Bell: that only goes to the WINNER of the World Cup Final match. so we gave it to the goalpost...

* DraftKings

Kevin Hart: you 3 athletes will help me with my draft.

Lamar Jackson: as long as the Proposition passes that helps the small rural Indian tribes get ALL the gambling money from out-of-state DraftKings. i want to help out that tribal leader with the big fat jolly stomach.

Ezekiel Elliott: i wear a croptop cos i have a stomach condition. why do YOU have 3 hands?

Stefon Diggs: don't say moist unless you're Kurt Cobain.

Kevin Hart: you see, this has turned into a very serious deep philosophical discussion on what LIFE really is. you can go through that exit but you'll come out the exit on the other side and the exit is an entrance. you'll never leave this place. Rod Serling played linebacker. Sartre was a kicker...

* Progressive

Dr. Rick: DAD JOKES ARE NO JOKE. FINALLY the dad joke joke is BIG ENOUGH for people to SEE it!!! not TINY letters on a DAMN coffee mug!!!

Joe Pera: this is the type of work i'm doing now...

* monorail: look up "monorail" on the internet, it's not gonna be The Simpsons or Disneyland...

* Welcome To Wrexham: it's rated MA-S. where does the Mature Sex happen on this show? 

Deadpool: the S stands for Soccer...

* Dirg: when a famous person deletes their Instagram, it's not necessarily for a scandal or stalker. it doesn't have to be for a bad thing. it could be for a good thing, it could be that they finally met someone...

Laertus: that goes for a regular person, too...

* John McEnroe: this is bullshit. i'm appointing myself Commissioner of World Tennis For Life...

* Dreamworld Coke: it tastes the same.........it tastes like syrup.........until that little delayed KICK hits at the back of your throat.........or maybe that's just what Gen Z sex feels like...

* a chili dog will ALWAYS be better than a corn dog...

* Goodnight, Moon: the ULTIMATE lucid dream...

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happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: i was gonna do the Wendy's toasted french-toast sticks in warm melted butter with the glazed biscotti bread all toasted right with grillmarks that it's JUST burnt.........but Wendy's only serves breakfast during BREAKFAST!!! i need to go to a place that serves breakfast ALL DAY.........so Jack In The Box it is for THEIR french-toast sticks...and to see how THEIR spice on their chicken is DIFFERENT.