notes:
* Samsung Galaxy Z Fold: this is the PERFECT device to design your new revolutionary tennis shoe with the Michael Jordan air bubble button and shoelaces that go up the sock.........the problem is, in the future, nobody will wear shoes, we're all gonna be flying in the air with our bare feet...
* T Mobile
David Blaine: i'm the only magician who ever mattered. and for my next trick i will DISAPPEAR!!!
crowd: we thought you were dead. we thought you had disappeared because you were dead.
David Blaine: no.........i'm not dead.........am i?.........i don't know anymore, i don't know anymore about anything.........i really levitated that one time, it's really not that big a deal, monks have been doing this stuff for millennia. and now i present it to the millennials, just takes a LOT of hours of meditation...
* Macy's: it's Back To School time again. remember, kids, school is about how you LOOK, what your CLOTHES are, and how your HAIR looks.
* Popeye's Hushpuppy Butterfly Shrimp: it's a PARTY IN YOUR MOUTH.........it's not what you're thinking...
Olive Oyl: OH YES IT IS!!!!!!!!! Popeye's big arms continually smack me in the face when we fuck in the boat hammock...
* VRBO: you'd never want to share a timeshare house with a complete stranger in the other room, someone you'd have to look square in the eye over dinner as he wags his lascivious tongue at you and eye-fucks you in your summer dress.........unless it is YOU who are the stranger...
Camus: ...
Mr. Furley: hey barkeep, can i have a drink that matches my loud shirt?
Camus: infinity pools? that is so Existential. i abandoned French cuisine in favor of Taco Bell. Alan Watts once dumped his pipe ashes all over my back when i was sunbathing by a pool at Cannes, that was the greatest day of my life.
Alan Watts: i was doing that trick where you deliberately spill a drink onto a famous celebrity's lap so you have an excuse to meet them by introducing yourself...
* Laertus: i swear i love you. you're not just a place on Instagram where i can offload all my pics and videos to delete later so i can free up space.
Eye Luggage: that is so romantic, babe. so sweet.
* Bill Hicks: i coulda been a cool 3rd-grade schoolteacher...
* Tana Amen: I am the reason Dr. Daniel Amen stays so young.........it's not his diet.........can i get an AMEN, ladies!!!
* Fareed Zakaria: i was the inspiration behind Billy Joel's song "You're My Home"...
* The Pope: broccoli is cruciferous because it's shaped like Christ's Cross. Candy Canes on the other hand are shaped like my vibrator...
* Whittier: it just seems that i'd be in Northern California, right?.........but i'm in Southern Cailfornia.
* Tatiana: drainage massage, you have to be Brazilian to perform it...
* Laertus's dad: my new goal in life is to go down Ventura Blvd. in Encino and try the spaghetti n meatballs from Ameci Pizza Kitchen...
Takahashi: may i join you? i need a new partner...
* Richard Belzer: yep, that's me in the loud shirt at the piano, i was a member of the band The Waterboys for a spell...
* Mylar: the condom metal
* Sanna Marin: of COURSE that was me partying and dancing on TikTok!!! what do you expect? i'm 14 years old!!! i'm just being a normal girl.
Finland: the drug test has come back.
Sanna Marin: and?
Finland: no drugs, you're just high on life.
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: Jack In The Box. for the return of their spicy chicken strips and french-toast sticks.........of course MY local chapter of Jack In The Box won't have either of these two items so what's the point?
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