Monday, March 21, 2022

TMIT: BIRTHDAY BOARD GAMES AND MY WALMART EXPERIENCE





TMIT falls on my birthday!!!

Miranda Cosgrove: my favorite book of all time is The Glass Castle by Jeannette.........Walls.
Jennette McCurdy: ...
Jennette McCurdy: not my autobiography? come on, pal, let's not be a Hollywood cliche.

UK: sup bird. oh wait, no free-range anymore. do you like your eggs with dark-brown yolks?...

AND THERE IT WAS
so glorious! the blue box! it came! the day before my birthday like it said it would, early Monday morning on my stoop. like MAGIC. my Walmart box full of the two rare items that you can't find anywhere. and this was the day i confirmed to myself, i finally became addicted to delivery. going forward only Chipotle silver UFO trays on my stoop. why spend the day losing hours as you drive around helpless in the rain in Marina trying to locate the one Walmart in the entire tristate area? the Lipton Southern Sweet Tea sugar-powder tastes like the Nestea unsweetened iced-tea powder if it were sweetened into sugar-powder. and i haven't tasted Onion Salt in a decade! my teeth started throbbing at the touch of it it was an unfamiliar substance on my molar enamel. i will honor Walmart's final request, i will recycle its box like it says to do on the box, of COURSE i will do my duty. thank you for making my birthday week special this is my only birthday present. thank you for restoring my faith in groceries.

1. have you ever cheated at a board game? why? yes. the Monopoly Cheaters Edition. because it says to.

2. which board game are you unbeatable? Clue. my dad taught me well, i NEVER lose at Clue. i always guess who the murdered is: Mr. Body. my favorite room is always the piano room that's in the middle of the forest growing inside the ballroom. i use the candlestick to light the huge place. i use the wrench to fix that leaky pipe in the kitchen where Ms. Scarlet and Mrs. White are getting it on.

looking back, this kid's game was about MURDER...

3. which mythological creature would be your worst roommate?

the gryphon, he'd be my frat bunkmate and he'd get all the birds. he'd get the Christian chicks being Aslan the Lion, all the Woman Scouts being the Eagle Scout, and all the emo burnouts cos he'd listen to Tears For Fears "Head Over Heels" all night.

4. my three-song playlist:

* Tears For Fears "The Tipping Point" music video just to see Roland Orzabal as Gandalf the Wizard

* anything from Evanescence's newest album, just to confirm they're still making new music. but why? Amy Lee is actually the reincarnation of a black swan...

* "Screaming Infidelities" from Dashboard Confessional. think about it, this was the band's VERY FIRST SONG, i mean talk about starting out on a high note...

5. what famous person have you met or been within a few feet of (music concerts and book signings do not count)

--- i saw Roger Federer naked at the Y. or was that at LUSH? no wait that was John McEnroe. who saw Roger naked.

--- i saw Flea at rg burgers once. back when rg burgers didn't look like the inside of a dentist's office

--- in the '80s i saw Billy Corgan at a taping of Small Wonder in Studio City, California past the concrete Burbank banked Bridge. but.........yeah, it's what you're thinking...

BONUS: is a hot dog a sandwich?

it's impossible to know. but think about it, does anyone put ketchup on sandwiches?...




 

6 comments:

Sexilicious Ash said...

I absolutely love the song Screaming Infidelities! Dashboard Confessional had other good songs as well but that will always be my favorite of theirs.

the late phoenix said...

sexilicious ash: agreed. it's almost like they peaked too early, though "Hands Down" is great, too. Chris Carrabba has great hair. his last name sounds like a restaurant, wink wink

Smu Doodle said...

I always put ketchup on meatloaf samiches, but never on a hot dog. Ketchup on a dog will get you hanged, drawn, and quartered in Chicago ya know.

the late phoenix said...

smu: this is true, okay yes, i've never had a meatloaf sandwich, back in the day in the '80s in Van Nuys meatloaf was always served by itself with rice and squash. and i never put ketchup on the meatloaf, i always ate it plain, so it mindboggled my mind when i saw that Simpsons episode where Homer puts ketchup on meatloaf, i was like wha?...

oh i love Chicago hot dogs with that specialty-seed bun and those green spices!

Hedone said...

Happy belated Birthday my friend!

- H

the late phoenix said...

Hedone: thank you, my friend, those Oscars were insane