did that just happen? did that really happen? the morning after and i'm still dazed and confused. watching that in real time was a truly surreal and bizarre experience. at first i swore it was a bit cos when Will Smith slaps Chris Rock the back is in front the audience can't see and it truly looked like an old WWF wrestling clothesline where there's no contact but you arch your back anyway.
but then i saw the Australian feed. talk about surreal. the vibe changes in the Dolby room, which is a big room. Chris Rock is shook and there's what feels like 5 minutes of dead air. Chris Rock realizes nobody's coming for him, he has to just continue reading the teleprompter and pretend that nothing happened. what is Chris Rock thinking as he teeters off backstage?
and the Oscars for their part just continue on as if nothing happened. i mean it was STRANGE, the whole rest of the show nobody paid attention to any of the winners, that a deaf film made history, CODA, the deaf world, that deaf culture is being celebrated, nothing else but the thickness in the air, the slap is front of mind, front on the lobes of everyone there and around the world, all we're thinking.
and the winners who come after this incident all look at Will Smith at the center-front of the audience right next to the stage, they all look at him as Will Smith stands up after each winner is announced and starts clapping for the winner and smiling at them with his trademark Will Smith gregarious smile as if nothing happened. you start to doubt yourself, you wonder if this thing actually DID happen. what a night.........somewhere an episode of Black Mirror is being written...
Will Smith: okay next year i'm sitting in the back...
Dave Grohl: the other drummer, not me...
Sean Penn: GREAT. now everyone in the world has FORGOTTEN that there's a war going on in Ukraine!!!!!!!!!! early in my career my first-ever job was as a blacksmith on an episode of Storybook International...
Rachel Zegler: it got lost in the mail. i kept talking about it and it happened, i manifested it!!!!!
Don't Look Up: if Melancholia was a comedy
narrator: finally FINALLY i announce the winner of the Oscar!!!
Regina Hall: i need to be on SNL yesterday.
Billy Corgan: yep, i was in Dune...
1. tell us your top two simple pleasures:
Pepsi Nitro. in Maple Syrup and Cracker Jack flavors.
2. you are being offered a day of pleasure but you must choose one of the following:
b) watching a big sports matchgame
c) fun times with good friends
why not combine all three and play a little 1975-style Rollerball?
3. the sun shining through your window in the morning---annoyance or pleasure?
annoyance cos Golden Hour only occurs in the afternoon...
4. if you uttered the words "pleasure me" to your lover, what would you want to happen?
her to put on the loudspeaker the song "The Pleasure Principle" by Janet Freud Jackson
5. tell us one thing you were most grateful for last week?
i'm glad last week is over, last week was a load. my birthday AND the Oscars in the same week, it was too much, nobody needs two tiny pink bags of goodies.
BONUS: what is the last thing you crossed off your bucket list? my bucket list, too much pressure. instead i grab my phone and Instagram under the covers and post it. but i forgot my Instagram password...
BONUS BONUS: are fig newtons cookies or bars?
teatime cannot start till we solve this conundrum. cookies are homogenous, right? like they can only have chocolate chips in them, not chocolate chips and a gooey peanut-butter center. but then what about black-and-white cookies?
but they're bars, right? newtons are literally a fruit bar divided into 3...
i've never had a fig newton, i've only ever had apple newtons, that's why i'm bad at math. a fig fell from a tree i was doing math under and it hit my head and nothing happened.