TMIT: ONE WORD: SUZE

Kyle: so far i'm  winning the SNL breakup. i got Saturday Morning All Star Hits, Beck did a Simpsons spot? come on.

1. do you feel that happiness is luck or is a practiced mindset? two words: Morning Meditations

that's what i urge my Instagram followers to do every morning. a caption under a cheeky pic. but it's true. you gotta stay present. easier said than done. i researched it on the computer of my monastery dojo and it basically comes down to breathing. focus constantly on your BREATHING cos that's the most PRESENT thing you have. you can't change the past no matter how much you harangue your mind. obsessing, overthinking all the stupid mistakes, all the wrong turns you took to end up here where you are now.

the computer told me to stop playing out the past in my head trying to achieve a different result. it ain't gonna happen, what's done is done, the ending is the ending, it's in stone. so the computer is basically telling me to give up my writing career...

oh and the whole thing of you can be happy just on your own, yeah that don't work for me, i need to be with somebody...

2. if you could transport to the happiest place on Earth where would you go?

not Disneyland. too expensive. not worth it anymore. writing. writing 22-minute episodes of '80s cartoons and '80s sitcoms in my head. Olympics on ABC. The Smurfs and The Magic Flute on ABC. Star Trek: The Next Generation and that one Tenchi Muyo, before Instagram.  a hot tub in Encino in the '70s. sleeping too much in said hot tub. watching every single episode of Judge Judy on a loop. a Laser Tag arcade at the Sherman Oaks Galleria. pizza and Orange Julius at Fedco. buying the gold Legend of Zelda cartridge for the first time behind the Fedco carpet wall. reading a new Choose Your Own Adventure paperback at St. Cyril's library...

3. in 2022, what will you do to improve your health? eat less.

i was roommates with a girl at Berkeley who swore off pizza after 10PM. we all thought her strange cos that's when the party starts jumpin but NOW i see she was wise beyond her years. that's what you gotta do, your body's gotta be lighter so your soul is light and gives off more light. empty yourself. empty your mind. eat a light dinner and then don't eat anything till you go to bed at 10, not even a snack. let your body recharge with just water, you'll go to sleep more easily cos your body will be a feather. you aren't carrying around all that psychological weight like a lump behind your bum. your dreams will be WACKY cos you drank all that water...

4. what is your money psychology?

a) money worshipper: no amount is enough

b) money avoidance: money sucks, you don't deserve money, so you don't look at your retirement account and you people-please your boss to death, fawning over his cufflinks, kissing his bald head, licking his collar at Taco Bell

c) money vigilance: you don't treat yoself

d) money status: your car is a car, my car is a boat...

two words: Suze Orman

Suze handles my finances. Suze is my therapist. not money therapist, therapist therapist. i've told her things my mother doesn't know. when Suze smiles at me it's not creepy, in her eyes i see that she's gonna guard that secret locked up in her lips and will kick the ass of any Double Dragon stoolies who come after her. she even once lent me her dress jacket when i was out in the frozen rain. she has the oar when i don't have the boat...

BONUS: do you have any goals for your blog in 2022?

honestly i was thinking that maybe blog wasn't life for me anymore, i'd pack up, close all tabs, and travel the world in a spaceship. making sure NOT to document my journey. but spaceships are expensive. and like Susan Sarandon i don't got no traveling partner...

CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY