notes:
* Novak Djokovic: i had no idea tennis players had lawyers...
* Rafa Nadal: international incident?
* Dan Schneider: all i'm sayin is Amanda Gorman was influenced by me. yeah, she's a big fan of my shows, especially Victorious...
* Gladyce: i get hiccups when i eat thick spaghetti...
* Ciara Bravo: okay.........fine.........i'm jealous of Zendaya.
Challen Cates hands Ciara a glass of red wine.
Challen: dems the breaks in this business, kid. not a political thing. sometimes you get the brake. hey i wanted to play Lucy in Being The Ricardos...
* Smashing Pumpkins "Drum + Fife" music video: so THAT's where Ben Roethlisberger went after retirement...
* Gordon Ramsay: i don't like Byron. i like Keats. i like Shelley.
* "The Captain of Her Heart" music video: our trans hero is in this music video...
* eggcake breasts: bring back Shin Chan as an adult morning anime
* Navi from Legend of Zelda: o bleary dreary day! but a blessed day. i look out on the grey skies and see roads in Obec empty and funereally quiet. no one can afford these houses it seems...
* Doryce: the salsa had gone bad so rapidly by the time it touched my lips it was already christened sacramental altar wine.
Cotard: ...
* The Ashes: coolest name for a sporting event ever
* Black-And-White Carnaval: you're missing it with the name, it's colorful AND societal.
* you're teasing me hard with the Brooklyn-style NYC pizza, Papa Johns. the original flat turtle. or rather the original turtle flat. you know there's no Papa Johns around here. and the only one that IS here only serves to military. you once offered me a jalapeno over the phone...
* Zicam: so THAT's what that ginger Doctor Who Companion is doing now...
* Liminal: wins. wins forever. it's a word that means at either/or end of something, a line, within that end of both the beginning and the end of the line.
Carl Sagan: the start of space. i got that subliminally...
* slowly circling out to Elliott Smith's basement.
Elliott Smith: my final album was never meant to be a final album, that's why the songs in it are weird, they're not like "last" songs or dirges or dedications, they're just songs.
Fred Gwynne: that's my speaker. imagine Herman Munster as a cop...
* Phoenix: okay you're not gonna believe this but right now at this very moment i'm doing my laundry. like this rackety washing machine. remember kids, washing machines are not meant to flood every time you do the wash...
* Robot Chicken: it wasn't me who humped the washing machine...
* once again, the 2001: A Space Odyssey psychedelic rainbow time-tunnel space-cylinder rebooted for the millennials. which is ironic cos this will take place 1000 years from now...
* if The Weeknd, Jim Carrey, and Space Mountain joined forces...
* oh come on that bowling-pin ten-set was photoshopped on
* Bowling Ball: i'm 10 tons but don't ask a lady about her weight.
Tennis Ball: hi grandma. how old was dad when he started going gray? i'm scared i'm gonna turn into an old hag like you.
Bowling Ball: sonny i won The Great War, what has your generation done?
Tennis Ball: insurrection and TikTok.
Bowling Ball: i love you. your head looks like that Dragon Ball planet.
* blue man: not part of a group. i'm an influencer that really wants to help you. this is not about money. look, you're gonna die soon, so just DO IT. no not that, do whatever your dream is. time is NOT YOUR FRIEND, but i am. your destiny is tied to my destiny. do you really want to be known as that guy who typed computer keys his whole life?
* Tennis Ball: i can't believe it's another season of SNL already. al i did was eat ridged food. i live to serve not be a computer server. my pink Barbie car doesn't work. those Playmobil men are so rude cos they have round heads. i hate business. i shoulda went to art school not business school. what if i use one more day of pandemic and never go back? but i'd be bored to death...
* Tennis Ball: i don't people-watch. i bird-watch, i'm a lesbian. i read all these hoity-toity literary-journal pamphlets not to appear smart but to be smart. the concept of Nothingness is harder than you think. there's no money in an economy only people. tautology gives you a tight ass. i like muscle cars not cos they're man cars but because they're cars that work...
* blue man: hoarders are cool, they hoard their skills. you need to be ACHIEVING every single second or you're worthless and should die.
Tennis Ball: this guy has a bad energy but he makes good points, he's like Novak Djokovic. just gotta keep my Penn down and i'll get published. g'night folks. grandma, can i sleep in the library lion's mouth at night?
* pictured: Maria Sharapova in a quarantine hotel...
* hello. i am customer service. i'm a failed actor. i wanted to work at the UN. i'm sweating under my bra. bring back push-button phones. with cords. my name is Bette, can you tell from the tone of my voice that it's spelled with an e at the end?
* we all want representative society. but not like this.
* Olmec: sorry. really had high hopes for that reboot. let's do a Global GUTS outside on the moon were the only contestants are unknown youtubers...
* Alan Watts: *in Alan Watts voice* we're too busy as a society. we travel from plane to plane at supersonic speeds so much there's no distance anymore. if there's no journey there's no life. cos life is a journey. what's the point of a destination?
* Thomas Vanz: hello. i am Thomas Vanz. witness Order & Chaos, it's the Star Wars of shorts. it's about the eternal dance, the eternal glory ocean wave the universe is on flowing back and forth between reality and nonreality. only Uyghurs get to experience unreality. with God as a buoy in the middle of the sea swirl black hole. woman you are a mystery, even after 1000 years of marriage. i rented a spaceship the same shade of purple as that guy from The Midnight Gospel in order to understand you. wife, what's your favorite color? my traveling companion is Susan Sarandon. look, the Washington Monument has been spraypainted black by.........artists. and now every country's Washington Monument has turned into a spaceship flying up. the Ten Commandments tablets are ipads now, God has left Earth. the Blue Marble is now Pinhead's head...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: In N Out Burger. cos of omicron, drivethru
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