notes:
* Dorothy Gale: Kansas is experiencing the real Wizard of Oz now, the real Dust Bowl. that's not a tornado, that's just wind!
* Shad Khan: we here at the Jaguars respect kickers.
* Chris Noth: you can't make fun of my middle name, i'm too cool for you.
* Ryan Seacrest holding Dick Clark's frail hand at Dick Clark's deathbed
Ryan Seacrest: do you have any final words for me?
Dick Clark with withered voice: you are a bitch.
* John Edward: no mother is a bitch in my world.
Sandra McGee: i had children with you after you became a ballroom dancer, that's a sexy job, psychics are unsexy and uncool.
John Edward: we're just medium.
* stage sage: cocaine to ease the broken leg
* FINA world championships now in December?!!! it's too damn COLD for swimming!!!!!
* Mercedes Sosa: i played for the Black Sox. my first hair strand of natural flaxen wax is the very first Native American feather to fall from the sun, cry from the sky. I was really the first woman president of Argentina...
* maskfishing: you have to look at a person's soul now...
* bell hooks: it's perfect that i died at age 69.
Phoenix: point of personal phoenix preference, goddess bless bell hooks, ee cummings, kd lang, and all those who come after who make it hard on the amiannoying AI, we need to NORMALIZE lowercase.
* APRN: ironically we are the exact OPPOSITE of an apron
* Kylo Ren: unmask me, i'm a closet David Bowie fan.
* Doryce: could do without the paper straws, they are IMPOSSIBLE to suck from.
* Peyton Manning: we are postponing the Super Bowl a week for covid...
* Lana Del Rey: i was deathly afraid of death, messed me up as a kid i couldn't live normally playing with dolls and shit. all i kept thinking about obsessing about was how me, my whole family and everyone else's family and priest were gonna die someday. every human starts drinking after going through this existential crisis. except Cookie Monster, he drinks chocolate milk.
Maiara Walsh in a beret: hi.
Lana Del Rey: but then i met you. i entered the music industry cos i wanted to recreate that thing in the '60s when lonely souls and outcasts formed their own communities, their own artist colonies. i wanted to fall in love, surprised as heck to find out that person was a woman.
Maiara Walsh: i love you, too, babe. but i got news for you, kiddo.
Lana: i know, Katy Tur's back.
Maiara: no, i went through the exact same thing you did as a kid, i thought i was gonna die at any moment, the next day, so i never went to sleep again for fear of never waking up.
Lana: so that's why your eyes are so pretty.
* Kohl's
Kohl's: how the hell is this Number 1!?
dad: i made a gingerbread house. from scratch.
mom: nah you used youtube.
dad: no i made it, to prove it i covered it in glue, it's inedible now and must be stared at for the next month.
* Mild Mitch: i'm gonna break the riding record!
little girl: Liberty Mutual is shit.
Mild Mitch: that's 1000 rides, nobody has ever ridden a bull 1000 times.
little girl: Liberty Mutual is bull.
Mild Mitch: HEY THAT'S A SWEAR WORD!!! you can't say that! bull is a swear word to First Graders at St. Cyril's...
* Walmart
mom naked under sheets: oh shit the creepy cousins are coming over!
dad naked under sheets: what do we get that brat?
mom: i just ordered a pony with the app.
* Walmart
uncle: come on over to the big-kids table, boy.
cousin: thank you, sir. hello adults, i have nothing to talk to you about...unless you like TikTok. i'm feeling very self-conscious.........that's it i'm gonna wet my pants.
uncle: you didn't have school all month, is this because of TikTok?
cousin: yes.
uncle: i see, so TikTok helps you with your homework...
* NFL Inspire Change Alabama
- finally something good comes from Squidbillies. the hardest NFL guy is a flower. Appleseed wasn't just an anime...
* Chevrolet
daughter: why you cryin?
dad: i miss my wife.
daughter: okay. she wasn't my mom but okay.
dad: she looked like Lana Del Rey in that smoky music video where the two girls each jump off a concrete bridge in La Jolla.
mechanic: making it beautiful wasn't enough, we had to make it a car. is that black man your husband?
daughter: completely irrelevant to this.
daughter: we completely detailed this car, cherried her up classic. a tens-of-thousands-of-dollars job.
dad: i'm never driving it again.
daughter, crying: Merry Christmas, dad.
dad: who are you? Merry Christmas, Zooey Deschanel.
* Washed Out: washed-out denim jeans, get it?
* Toyota
little girl: daddy, why'd they burn down Sam's Bookshop?
dad: books have dangerous ideas in them, son.
little girl: here mister, you can have my copy of Alice In Wonderland, this book is REALLY problematic now.
* helper: what's your number?
Gronk: F-R-O-G-G-E-R
helper: nope, has to have 15 digits, letters and numbers.
Gronk: i bought this arcade cabinet of Frogger on the black market off a nervous little man with glasses who claimed he was a champion sand golfer...
* John Travolta: fuck this Mrs. Claus, she can't dance! you know what i want for Christmas? my wife Kelly Preston back.
Samuel L Jackson: you're using naughty words, Santa.
happy weekend, my babies. do i wear the beanie or take the beanie off?
TOMORROW: i love that the crepes place has gone full Mediterranean. why does the Osio play the same obscure indie movie about bees from two years ago? Downtown Monterey ain't much, ain't no Telegraph Ave, but it's as close to a Christmas market as i'm gonna get. 6 tacos and......oh i don't know i'm feeling splurgy, something exotic like a Mountain Dew Baha Blast
7 comments:
Dick Clark's voice pealed like a bell in my mind at the parting words to M. Seacrest.
So, did you take the beanie off?
How were the tacos?
Dick Clark's voice pealed like a bell in my mind at the parting words to M. Seacrest.
So, did you take the beanie off?
How were the tacos?
Toonzie: hahahaha, i actually like Ryan Seacrest, he's kinda like Bieber, he gets too much flak simply for being himself. it's tough cos sometimes it's cold so you put the beanie on but then immediately your head gets warm. pretty good, i had the grilled-cheese burrito
Why is my previous comment posted twice? I'm apathetic in concern to M. Seacrest, but I do miss the sound of M. Clark's voice creating new strings of words. Could you explain the grilled cheese burrito to me? What sets it apart from a quesadilla?
Why is my previous comment posted twice? I'm apathetic in concern to M. Seacrest, but I do miss the sound of M. Clark's voice creating new strings of words. Could you explain the grilled cheese burrito to me? What sets it apart from a quesadilla?
turns out it was a grilled burrito with molten cheese which was good but it woulda been cool if it was a grilled-cheese-sandwich burrito. and i still say Taco Bell can pull off the fish taco...
*chortles*
A grilled-cheese-sandwich burrito would be interesting... slices of cheddar with crunched up pork rinds to replicate the texture of grilled bread crumb. Yeah, that could work.
As for the Taco Bell fish taco, that sounds like it would tank. A true sinker.
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