notes:
* Larry from The Three Stooges: see me up there? i will NEVER be as playa as i am RIGHT NOW, smoking a fatty as i chat up the one and only Lucille Ball.
Lucille Ball: Larry.........you are fine...
Lucy: i'm really scared your fatty's gonna catch on fire in your beautiful curly hair.
Larry: that would be cool.
* Moe: you see that lobbycard up there? this was filmed during the Depression so the tagline is always THIS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
Lucy: that goes for all art though. you're CONSTANTLY trying to make the audience feel better about their lives, constantly distracting them with the good stuff in life. do i look good as a blonde?
Curly: no, you're just another Jean Harlow assembly-line vixen. your red hair makes you EXOTIC.
* Curly: hey Moe, when are we doing that episode where the 3 of us get up on a beam of steel on a rope 100 stories up the Empire State Building and eat our lunchpail lunches without a harness?...
* Michael Weiss: everyone on Instagram lives in the country...
* Toyota Lady: look at me now, i'm wearing a red vest and a gold chain and my hair is half-wet, i've definitely had a kid or two by now, i'm definitely the mother to two kids now...
* Aeon Flux: people forget that in the cartoon i'm a bit of a klutz...
* Aeon Flux: the thing is, i never got a proper cartoon show, you know? like a 13-episode order of episodes where there's a linear plot that goes from incitement to denouement and i'm able to SPEAK a few lines. words are good for the Gnostic soul. and maybe one of those Tomb Raider video games of my own...
* benzos: the fish oil that ACTUALLY WORKS...
* Ken Jennings hosting Jeopardy: put down your signaling buttons, scratch your butts, and we'll take our first break...
* Ken Jennings: who are you playing for?
Cynthia Nixon: SAG-AFTRA.........right, Ken?...
* Snowball all the Cat: you never noticed that i've been blessing your kitchen since i left, for 15 years now, THIS is why i've been feeling neglected lately and grieving...
me: can you ever forgive me, my precious Snowball? what was i thinking?!!! i've been too distracted for too long, time to focus on the IMPORTANT things. from now on the MOMENT i enter the kitchen in the morning i shall see that this sacred space has been blessed by you and i shall kiss the photo of you on the refrigerator as my blessing.
Snowball: that photograph ain't a symbol of me or the essence or spirit of me, that photograph IS ME, Snowball the Cat.
* Dr. Vacc: THIS ENTIRE YEAR i've been laboring under the immense psychological stress of tending to a knee-surgery patient they've been building that damn house across the street!!! that 365 blade buzzing sawdust 365 days a year!!! i caretake and they NOISEPIPE at 6AM!!! how long is this house gonna take to be completed?!!! FUCK THAT HOUSE!!!
Jimmy Carter: come on, man.
* Mario: how do i get me one of those Emilie Ikedas?
Luigi: sorry, bro, Emilie's favorite color is green...
* Boc: i don't take 2 stairs at a time for the exercise, i do it to stretch my hams. look at those 2 cute seagulls being guardgulls at either corner of Lucky. a plain white truck with the Stussy S on the side, very '80s anime. you see that rusted metal hoop up there on The Barnyard's side? that's for basketball tournaments.
Jen R: it's actually for Christmas flowers...
Boc: you don't know, what if i'm walking each morning for a fallen cancer friend...
Lindy Lenz: i still strive to dance.
Pedro: me, too...
* Elon Musk: imagine if i was a Democrat, i would be absolutely BELOVED.
* phoenix eye: warmer than a thumbwarmer...
* Sticky Vicky: the best thing i pulled out of my vagina? CORNUCOPIA!!! but ballet IS magic. there are more Brits in Benidorm than in the UK...
* Boc: i walk so all my nervous energy can seep out my body's pores, form into a little greasy whirlpool, and slither down that storm drain over there at the street sidewalk corner...
* Lucio: California City? is there a place called California City or is it ANY California city?...
* Eye Luggage: Lidieth, our goth friend from Mexico...
Julie Patzwald: no, Spain...
* Batman Beyond cars: we ARE hovercars but we hover SO LOW to the road you can't tell...
* Victoria Catlin: when i'm in the Twin Peaks world, i'm Lisa Edelstein...
* Jack Tripper at Jack's Bistro cooking steak frites: whoa did you feel that? for the first time i FELT the saying, heat in a kitchen, i'm sweating in the lima beans.
* Ear Horn: only old ladies can make chocolate chip cookies taste THAT way, you know? what's their secret ingredient? goat butter, dearie...
* the blue girl from Avatar...
Katara: no, me, not Zoe Saldana...
* Takahashi: i ate 3 cookies but i'm still hungry, but i can't eat 1 more cookie, 4 is bad luck...
* anthrobot: i'll do whatever i have to, i'll live in a test tube if it means i become the kind of man Ripley can love. the kind of xenomorph Sigourney Weaver can love...
* Gavin Newsom: the Democrats haven't had a young healthy vibrant bulldog in their corner since James Carville...
* Bridget Lancaster: only brush the teeth you want to keep.
Jen R: i told that to my dentist and he banned me from his office for life.
Bridget Lancaster: dip the frites in steak grease...
Jen R: i did and they were delicious and they gave me cavities...
* Utah teapot: that's disappointing, i thought it was like a real Dutch oven or something.
Mitt Romney: Mormon tea is punk rock. and i'm not talking about herbal tea...
* Tim Howard: i look like Keegan Michael-Key.
Keegan Michael-Key: you ever kick a soccer ball into outer space?...
Clint Howard: i've never called ANYONE a bitch...
* Boc: huh, some people actually do need to USE the water machine not for just a turn-around spot. hey seagull!!! don't fight the Poe raven for the last McDonald's fry, i get enough of that at home with Trinity and Talia. i wish i had that fry, i've forgotten what McDonald's fries taste like. whoa, there's a swinging anteater in Jackie's bush!!!
* Michael Weiss: you're not not quitting Instagram for YOU, you're not quitting Instagram in case Julia Ioffe posts a video of her dancing...
* Boc: what the fuck is a Salinas schoolbus doing all the way over here?!!! waiting for a tour of our CVS?...
* llamas: love the "Mamacita" song but we're all male...
llamas: also, when is Silverchair gonna put out a new album?...
* Kid 'n Play: watch parties only become parties when everyone gets the ending they wanted...
Ben Affleck in muttonchops: did i crash your cah?...
* Felicity Huffman: if i don't rob that bank, my daughter has NO FUTURE...
Pee-wee Herman: ...
* Mahomes: Bundl, an indie band from Maine...
* GEICO Gecko: the loris tho, you've already won cos your team is the Lorises...
loris: lorii. my eyes aren't creepy, i'm just worried about you...
* walking tree: i'm a real thing, the walking palm. no it's not science, not nature, i am a real SENTIENT being with self-awareness and consciousness. i'm more alive than you are. yeah bruh, we're talking about that Tolkien shit but real...
* Adobe: so nobody's gonna talk about that giant rabbit in the background which is a real rabbit made of clouds?...
* Mean Girls Walmart.
Glen Coco: who am i really? am i a real person? was i the lead singer in an indie band from Maine?...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: i wish i had someone to go to Applebees with during Christmastime...
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