this is weird. and wonderful. and weird. FINALLY sports return tomorrow! you know me and the horsies. and boy do i need this distraction! this is gonna be bigger than...like The World Series or something...back when it was Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa saving baseball from becoming #3 with something that helps you recover by giving you muscles in your head. BUT IT'S OUT OF ORDER. it's inverted like a Harry Potter book. why did they just cancel Wimbledon and not the other three?...The Belmont first??? and then the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness in time for Halloween, imagine the drunk Preakness infield full of Halloween costumes this year. full of Tiger King costumes this year i should say.
i'm with Tony Kornheiser, the Belmont is the test of character. it comes after two grueling races and is LONG, man, it's long. this year's race will be cut short. so is this thing really...anything? or is it just like a race you do in your backyard...if you're rich enough for horses...
one people who LOVE the new changes are the horses. i know this to be true, it's a fact, i interviewed the horses. this is what they told your roving reporter live on-air on MSNBC:
me: i'm intrepid. hello, my name is and i work for...
horses: we don't care. horses are better than people. we love the changes. no warm human bodies in those stands yelling for no reason and spilling their expensive lime drinks on us. those people are crazy, they have no idea what's going on and yet they persist in hollering. they don't know the sacrifice and long hours we put in. they don't know it's a ballet not a race. we are caged beasts for show. none of that horrid trap music that plays just before we ride. it's shorter which means we'll live. horses can get covid too, you know. i mean it's not like we're gonna be storming down the stretch wearing masks! we should just cancel the whole thing...
and then the horses in front of my own mother spit in my face an expletive so offensive only God said that to me once...
you know how to play: guess who's gonna win tomorrow in the comments. hey, it's something, right?
CLICK HERE FOR THE CONTENDERS
good luck!!!
3 comments:
Tiz The Law
Tap it to win *)
mah dahlin, thank you so much for playing, I love you forever! it's lonely when it's just me. looks like Tiz The Law is the one to beat...Kentucky Derby in SEPTEMBER!!? there's a Richard Dawson laugh-out-loud joke in there. Preakness in OCTOBER!!?
this season's gonna have an asterisk next to it, not the horses' fault
speaking of asterisks, *)
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