notes:
* Lindy Lenz leads the search party to Thailand.
Lindy: i have a feeling some magic's gonna spark for us here. but first, i am EXHAUSTED. i need to rest.
Luke Russert: drugs?
Lindy: why is your first inclination always drugs? but yes. well sorta. i'm gonna do a dab of this Mac N Cheese cannabis.
Luke: shatter or wax?
me: wait till Gordon Ramsay joins us.........he's lagging behind down the mountain.........it's weird cos you'd think he'd be the fittest of the four of us.
Gordon Ramsay: i'm here. finally. yes, EVERYONE thinks i'm fit.
Luke: smoke that shit, Gordon.........so how do you find it?
Gordon: yeah mate, this some good shit. some good Mac N Cheese shit. i smoked too much of this stuff as an unruly youth, that's why i didn't make the National Soccer Team. but i was still able to play cricket...
* Djokovic: why don't they ever show the players walking around Wimbledon Village?
Roger Federer: cos these homes and hostels and flats are PRIVATE RESIDENCES, numbnuts. i live here in a timeshare with Andy Murray as my roommate, we drink Folgers Black Silk and Cafe Bustelo each morning.
Nadal: this is a gated community for stoners.
* Leslie Sbrocco: the problem with the 1000 champagne corks littered all over the court? wasn't me...
* Maria Sharapova: watch where you're bumping me, coach, you see my hands? you see my fingers? i got the Secret Finger Jutsu: One Thousand Years of Death ready to stick up your butt.
Kakashi in tennis trunks: ...
Kakashi: it's really only my Tiger Hand sign...
* Luke Russert: now i CHECK PRICES at the grocery store, i see which brand is cheaper, i don't just get stuff. i don't just clear the shelf by sliding my elbow across all the tin cans into my leather grocery pouch...
Messi: ...
* Helena from Boxing Helena: i don't want rain in my mouth, i want fountain in my mouth...
* Umunhum: where the drummer of the band Hum is.
Kurt Cobain: to hide from the press, i'm the lead singer of the band Hum. i'm wearing my thick black coke-bottle glasses...
* Target grocery cart: i look different from ANY OTHER grocery cart in the world...
Target dog: do you think the kids get the reference? that i'm the Little Rascals dog?...
* Positivity Daily: give it time. but time runs out. you don't have all the time in the world. you don't have all the time in the world to wait. life is short, enjoy it while you can. it's over before you know it...
* Dunkin Donuts: hello, this is a spam call...
Lucio: the irony is there's not a Dunkin Donuts in this entire area yet Dunkin Donuts manages to find us to give us a spam call...
* hard and sloppy sex: the first step to true love...
* Instagram: yeah so all you really can post now are nature pics and nature videos...
* Cole from Mr. Holland's Opus: when that first Vaporwave muffled beat hits my eardrums, it's BUTTERSCOTCH, baby...
* shirtless jogger in Washington, D.C. thinking to himself: maybe not the best idea to jog right next to the White House like this...
* Andrei Medvedev: I was the Medvedev you grew up on. i was Ukrainian before it was en vogue...
* Leslie Sbrocco: be honest, you want to be at a dinner party and i come up to you, freshen up your wine glass, and begin regaling you with my dirty stories i CAN'T tell on PBS. i'm a dirty blonde.
Lindy Lenz: yes, the 1850 brothel stories. i'm a low-sneaker girl myself, i like a night in with a KFC pizza box.
Leslie: the Fill Up Box, i know thee well.
Derek Jeter sporting a long flowing monk beard: ...Lindy: it's Lindy, not Indy. i also wouldn't mind having you as my date to the Cheese Board Collective in Berkeley.
Leslie: would LOVE to come!!! voted Best Pizza in the World.
Ameci Pizza in Encino: ...
Leslie: sauceless pizza, it's a revolution. the Sesame Street theme played by a jazz band at the counter. i only eat the sidera, the road slices they plop on the pie, the tiny rogue slices...
Lindy: i eat the sidera FIRST, EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA CHEESE whole pie for me, please. and i wash it down with two Gentleman cocktails, because i don't know what that's like, that's not my experience, i travel with Luke Russert and THIS guy, they're like my brothers...
* Taylor Swift: too much aspartame from drinking Diet Coke? it's either 30 cans of Diet Coke or coke, you choose, i gotta stay awake somehow.
decaffeinated coffee eyeing a stone cube of yellow Sweet'N Low sweetener packets at IHOP: don't take the LAST pleasure we have...
* Michael Weiss: yeah Instagram? listen to me, i don't want any more people telling me that everyone is related to an uncle who owns a propaganda machine, i just want to FUCK...
* Kia Sportage: if your phone falls into a buzzard nest, it's gone, forget about it, your phone is over forever. there are no hybrid birds.
college student girl: it's not a bald phoenix, it's just a phoenix...
* Taco Bell: okay, THIS is a rad song. this is a Vaporwave song from the '80s made in 2023...
* Brothers Osborne: not Ozzy...
Jack Osbourne: coulda been...
* heathcare.gov
aqua-blue room: don't worry, you're covered, you have red hair, all gingers have special needs...
purple room: i am a young Soledad O'Brien.........waiting for my co-anchor friend to come back...
* Olay: not cum. think of it as lathering your face all over with whipped cream...
whipahol: there's no alcohol in this, it's like a mocktail. the only alcohol used is to add pressure so the aerosol can works to dispense the stuff in a fine mist akin to whippits...
happy weekend, my babies, all in your Barbenheimer shirts i see.
TOMORROW: the Italian is back!!!
Lucio: thank you. i love you. i never left, you only had to call me.
the Italian Chicken Sandwich from Burger King!!!.........oh it's not the tongue-shaped one from the '80s, it's a novel burger-shaped one slathered in red sauce and Swiss-French cheese triangle-ettes served to Royalty which is all of us cos we're ALL The Royal Family now...
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