notes:
* Gabe Kaplan: this was my dream. this was the WHOLE REASON i did Welcome Back, Kotter in the first place, to land Groucho Marx in a guest spot!!!
Groucho Marx: i would have been in the Sadie Hawkins Dance episode. get on your hands and knees and think about that. crawl to me.
Oscar the Grouch: i can't, i'm in a trash can...
Groucho: the whole reason for a Sadie Hawkins Dance is for the GIRL to ask the GUY, Gabe would be the little girl asking out ME, his idol.
Mr. Kotter: i'd be fangirling harder than Justin Trudeau.
Taylor Swift: guys, i have 7 more albums coming out this month...
Erin Fleming: THE WORLD HATES ME. even my parents hated me.
* Charlie Chaplin: why don't you take tennis SERIOUSLY, bro.
Groucho Marx: i do.
Mary Horshack: you do?
Groucho: but i'm hungry.
Yogi Bear: and you can't eat unless it's in a pica-nic basket? what do you have against Boar's Head?
Groucho: as long as there's Vlasic pickles in the basket.
Charlie Chaplin: i'm the first man EVER to do a spin serve...
Roger Federer: i looked up to you, sir. Groucho Marx was BIG in Switzerland. but now you're a bub. i hate you now.Groucho: shave that mustchache off, Roger, you look like a porn star.
* Steven Spielberg: you saved Hollywood's ASS!!!
Tom Cruise: i love you, Steven, but i'm into women. despite what you may have heard.
Steven Spielberg: you single-handedly saved theatrical distribution.
Tom Cruise: i have a permanent lifelong concussion but it was worth it, right?...
* Greykid: i am an ally. i am also an Alley Cat Ally.
Alley Cat Allies: nice wordplay.
* Boc after watching Mr. Holland's Opus: the '90s, when gays were FINALLY accepted...
* Degrassi after watching Mr. Holland's Opus: is that our set?...
* Colt from Mr. Holland's Opus: ringing in the ears is such a beautiful sound...
Colt: i can't hear the world. but i can hear cars. if i pop the hood and press my ear directly on the tin carburetor. call me Tin Man. i'm a mechanic looking to land my own Madonna someday. i hear the music of the motor...
* some day, laughing and smoking: as in a day that's not very special, not very important...
* the Dutch: we gave the little finger the name "pinkie." when you raise your pinky finger it doesn't mean you're a Communist...
* Jump the Shark: yeah that was the Batmobile in the water pulling Fonzie in waterskiis...
Fonzie: my mother calls me Fonzy...
* Luke Russert: i went to the supermarket and only bought one packet of gum...
* Galyn Gorg: yes i am forever gorgeous.
* Leslie Sbrocco: i've tasted Tajin. how dos it taste? you have to pronounce it correctly or you can't taste it...
* La Rosa de Guadalupe: Mexican Degrassi...
* Martin Page: and when the sun goes down/ i will be around, that's a good lyric.
lyric: is one lyric a word, syllable, or line?...
* Victor Wembanyama: yeah, "Genie in a Bottle," that's my favorite song...
* My Adventures with Superman: Superman's mom is Deku's mom...
* Mike Pence at a rally pacing around: yes.........yes.........i did it.........my favorite show is The Eric Andre Show...
God: you know the thing is.........i actually don't like football...
* Laertus's grandpa: the Boca Raton...
Remy from Ratatouille: i know where the pirate treasure is.
Jerry Mouse: X marks Tom's spot. Tom can't talk, i'm better than him.
Michael Weiss: the Boca Raton Resort...
Julia Ioffe: it used to be the Cloister Inn, Princeton's oldest eating club.
Princeton Pat: Cuban sandwiches were created in Florida, not Cuba...
Codrus: i LOVE that the cloister became secular.
Cotard: so you're saying you're a supporter of higher education, brother?...
* the biggest sphere screen in the world in Las Vegas: BALL SCREEN!!! marble screen...
* vitality: old-people sex
* bomblet: is there really such a thing as a SMALL bomb?...
* Wawrinka: Roger's gone, folks. sorry but if you're a Federer fan the best you can ever do going forward is ME. don't stan for Stan, my name is Roger Junior...
* Wendy's Woman: Night Mode doesn't mean i get in a slinky silky lace beige-and-gold nightie and prance around the drivethru alley. you'd like that, wouldn't you. i'm still in my standard red shirt. but i'll never get redshirted or there's no franchise.
Wendy's workers: isn't it DANGEROUS to work at night?
* Indiana Jones: this is why the new movie ain't selling, we're doing APPLEBEE'S. Applebee's is for OLD PEOPLE who like ME cos it nostalgically reminds them when they were young and vigorous and vital and still had a life. young people don't go to Applebee's.
Mardith: we do as millennial goths but only IRONICALLY...
* Monroe Ficus: it only matters what bed I sleep with you in...
Boc: yes PLEASE...
* Jason: Samsung? nah, it looks like a toaster.
Freddy Krueger: my iPhone works well.........as long as there are four of them. i looked like Freddie Mercury before but i smoked too much...
* The Giving Bag: will be made into a Christmas movie.........IKEA Presents: The Giving Bag.........once it's animated...
* Domino's Pizza: we make PINPOINT deliveries now, to ANY SPOT ON PLANET EARTH.........except our Domino's Stores with the blue mini IHOP roofs...
* Dean Winters: i'm a bear.
Mariska Hargitay: i know. which is why i can't marry you.........i wanted to marry you but i can't now...
Dean: you can still do it in New York...
Mayhem: i'm eating all the hot dog buns!!!
Yogi Bear: go ahead, that hot-dog-eating contest is DISGUSTING, WASTEFUL, and POINTLESS.
TOMORROW: Volcano stuff from Taco Bell. Volcano taco and Volcano burrito. why? because we need to know what THE HIGHEST HEAT LEVEL really is...
and plus this will be the closest i ever get to spelunking down the caldera of an active lava-spewing orange-glow ash-and-brimstone volcano...
Caldera Spas: we do Vaporwave jacuzzis bathed in purple light in your bedroom...
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