notes:
* Jen R: do you think of me whenever rip currents are mentioned on The Weather Channel?
me: yes. i'm not thinking of Maria LaRosa anymore, i'm thinking of you...
* Old Forge, New York: where all the episodes of Storybook International were filmed...
village blacksmith: do blacksmiths still exist in 2023?...
* charging dock: Doryce on Thursdays...
* the VA clinic: located in Virginia...
* local news: we don't have a young weather girl. we have a young grandmother as our weather girl.
weather girl: l'm your boozy grandmother who wears a wine dress for pajamas and plays Clue instead of pinochle from Ohio you've never met...
* Luke Russert: relish, one of the most debauched, decadent, shameless, louche, wanton purchases at the grocery store you could ever make ALL TIME...
* Instagram: remember.........tomorrow is a brand new day to try again!!!
Michael Weiss: but not if the SPECIFIC followers you want to talk with aren't around...
* Ave Maria: dad's favorite aria, the Maria Aria...
Mr. Holland: ...
Mr. Holland: your dad was an operahead.
* Lionel Messi: methinks there's an idea brewing in my head, what if i team up with Trader Joe's...
Trader Joe's: Trader Joe's sucks. we're only interested in clever, not cookie butter. we only care about newsletters, not nets.
* security guard at the Bank of America: *looking at his phone, doomscrolling...*
* Roger Federer on a tennis court again.
Roger Federer: during a match, when i finish a set, i go to the 7-Eleven located right next to my chair, i open the swinging frosted-glass door, and i pick out a Coke Ultimate and a Mustard Skittles from the frozen-aisle cabinet...
* kissogram: the sweet way of being a stripper...
* PBS: only on PBS would you see two grown burly men wearing lumberjack trousers from Cumberland brawling over a table-tennis match...
* Walmart: look at the top of your page on our website, these 4 items have been your life struggles this month...
* Suzy Lu: show him what's what.........what's what isn't an old-timey phrase, it's a Scottish phrase...
* Kacchan: i catch Izuku.........i mean i catch Deku.........i mean i catch the nerd...
* shushing emoji: it's not necessarily a secret. stop talking so loud!!!...
* Dan Fielding: if Night Court doesn't get a season 2, i can always play for the Argentinian Women's National Soccer Club...
* The Wiz: it's a musical, remember? The Wizard of Oz was just a movie...
* Kurt Cobain: Bainbridge Island was the first time i ate a pickle...
Roger Federer: i am NOT switching...
* The Nintendo Power Glove: you need someone else to love you, it's the only way...
* timpano: the flavor is drummed into you...
Emeril Lagasse: BAM!!! the bam is less powerful cos i use an air fryer now...
Mr. Holland: your bam is a BM. your bam is now a bowel movement, not a concerto movement.
* Emeril Lagasse: don't you love how my middle name is John?...
* Melissa Maker: you think of me everytime you refill your Q-tips bowl. right? everyone does...
* Phoenix: i now know why A Tribe Called Quest is my favorite band...
* Wendy's Night Mode.
clerk: let me hear that beep-beep for 6 strips of crisp never greasy bacon. ALRIGHT!!! now beep-beep-beep for TWELVE strips of bacon!!!.........*throwing in the dishrag* i can't anymore. i can't do this anymore. you're killing yourselves, people. you shouldn't be at a Wendy's this late. filling your loneliness with suet. you need to go to Tibet and never eat another burger again in your life...
* Amazon Prime.
Fleabag: no, this isn't the Lifetime movie about Florence + the Machine...
* Olay: this is not a bed commercial...
Trent Reznor: Ten Miles Deep?...
* Olay: you know those beds that are made out of purple guacamole?...
passionfruit juice with one sugarcube: yous a bobo-bitch.
* Mrs. Fields: Dan Fielding was my son till i disowned him. No Crumbs? that was MY thing, man!!! remember how you got your first experience of what a REAL chocolate-chip cookie tasted like at the mall? you never knew those chocolate chips were supposed to MELT!!!
Troy Dyer: ...
Mrs. Fields: Ethan Hawke can be my son. what's old is new again...
happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: you can't deny that Carl's Jr. goes for it. their El Diablo burger is back and, yes, it's $6.66. i mean they just don't care, they barrel right on ahead with the marketing. i adore that. but Carl's Jr. gives me virulent diarrhea. so i'm sticking with my California Burger from Carl's Jr., you know the one with the Thousand Island dressing, this is the closest DoorDash will ever come to delivering In-N-Out Burger to your house...
you thought Thousand Island dressing was French, right? turns out it's Canadian...
Roger Federer: i will never play fucking pickleball. professionally NOR with my kids. i will sooner play salsa golf than i EVER will pickleball!!!...
2 comments:
Ave Maria is the best aria. It was my Grandad's favourite.
I need to know about the Q-Tips bowl. *)
hello, mah dahlin
yes, the Ave Maria, so soaring, so majestic, i think of my beloved dad whenever i hear it, for dads and grandads everywhere. my dad got me into classical music, that one LP Hooked on Classics was like our Tommy by The Who.
i know, right? she has this very subtle sexy technique with the Q-tip. thankfully i don't need Q-tips anymore, i FINALLY removed that stubborn hard earwax with a tiny rubber green earhorn, that wax was blocking my left earhole like a motherfucker, i can now hear traffic outside i hadn't heard all summer!!! lucky me!!!
love you
*)
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