i'm happy for Messi but that goal by Mbappe was special.
1. would you rather work on Christmas Day and earn 4 times your daily salary or spend the day with your family?
family. money can't make you happy. you can't eat money. Steve Jobs proved that. when Steve Jobs said WOW when he died it was because he saw the Facebook Oculus. if you find yourself in black-and-white and an angel who's Mikey Day approaches you, run, that angel is a pervert. don't travel outside your marriage, walk. walk in the snow. walk in the snow with cleats. with 4 times my salary i could afford one of those Roku TV hot-pockets, one of those Amazon Fire TV cubes, then i could FINALLY be friends with Gary Busey. they don't make bulky box TV sets anymore, just very tiny flatscreens. the last heavy wood TV box is at the Circuit City in Key West, Florida.
2. would you rather spend a snowy day outside playing winter games/sports or spend a snowy day inside with your most annoying relative?
exactly what kind of reindeer games did Rudolph play? lacrosse? Naked Twister? if you put ice skates on 4 reindeer legs it's impossible to move around, you can't do jumps and flips. i saw Rudolph at my AA meeting, that's why his nose is red.
i learned long ago that I AM THE WEIRD UNCLE. you can reach me. on my landline. i ate all the reindeer food cos it was healthy, carrots and stuff, the doctor says i need to lose weight even though i'm skinny. on Christmas i need to go to my Raelian Church, you need to find it for me on the map. for Christmas shopping i will only go to a mall that still has Lazer Tag...
3. for the month of December would you rather sing "Jingle Bells" really loud every time you enter a room or wear a Santa suit every day?
Santa suit. "Jingle Bells" has a racist origin, i'll only sing the song in the Batman Smells/Joker Egg version which is how i originally learned it in Pre-K. they discussed who wrote "Jingle Bells" on SNL last weekend, the sketch where Chloe Fineman plays Jennifer Coolidge and thinks eggnog is Santa's cum. i wear a Santa suit every time i go to the YMCA to play basketball.
4. would you rather choose your presents or be surprised? SURPRISED. SURPRISE IS THE SPICE OF LIFE. what's the point of knowing how it's all gonna end? isn't it more fun to sweat it out and not know where you're gonna be living in a year? i still hold out hope that one day i'll buy my E.T. Atari video game from Toys R Us like i SHOULDA done in the '80s.
5. would you rather be Scrooge before he meets the Ghosts of Christmas or be the Grinch before becoming good? Scrooge always rubbed me the wrong way, he's just a miser, you know? he always has that scrunched-up face. The Grinch on the other hand is cute and cuddly and has the potential to be a plushie. The Grinch just needs that one reason to be good, invite him over for Christmas Roast and he'll start to smile and tell humorous jokes around the dinner table. The Grinch is a lovable swamp monster you just want to hug. The Grinch reminds me of Heinz Doofenschmirtz from Phineas and Ferb.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
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