Friday, December 9, 2022




* Meghan Markle and Prince Harry: we met on Instagram.
Michael Weiss: well yes but you're giving ordinary people false hope. it was a little more complicated than that...

* Boc at the cross-country oval Crespi track: huh, look at that, the flags are at half-mast. like me. for what? for whom?
Kirstie Alley in jogging pants: for me.
Boc nodding his head: oh that's cool.

* Mayan Lopez: know why i'm doing Lopez vs. Lopez? cos i want George Lopez and MY REAL MOM to get back together!!!
George Lopez: sorry for everything, mija. all the times i was a bad dad to you. it's not my fault, my mom was a bad mom to me, that was the whole basis of the Benny Lopez character!!!

* Bud Fox: there were less dangerous ways to make money in the '80s. less dangerous rabbit holes to go down to get rich quick. for instance i could have starred in that Twix commercial...

* Brandon Lee: is a movie worth a life? i would

* Santa sitting in a spa: you had no idea i had such a hairy chest...

* David Byrne: i use a penny whistle in my music...

* garbage men: we're not trash men. we're not garbage men, we are G Men.

* Dutch goalie: i almost gave up the dream to become a cop. that would have been a NIGHTMARE. why give up soccer to be a cop?!!! never become a cop for any reason. give up soccer to be a florist if you have to...

* Dean Winters: aren't you sick of Mayhem? i know I am. so in this 1000th installment i'm a demented mouse in the vein of a Robert Crumb character. R.I.P. Aline Crumb, i knew her well, i liked her underground comics better than his, do you find that surprising? Fritz the Mouse. i'm eating a macaroon i mean macaron, one's a cookie one's a biscuit. you know it's IMPOSSIBLE for your house to catch on fire and burn down cos of your Christmas tree's faulty lighting, i mean think about the last 1000 years of celebrating Christmases, all those old-timers used CANDLES on their trees to light it!!! i BROKE MY TEETH at the end of this biting down on that candy cane the size of a water-main pipe. i finally got it, Winters, i'm the perfect Christmas spokesman.

* Kathryn Feeney: i am WAY HOTTER than my red Wendy's uniform makes my body out to be. this Wendy's uniform makes it seem like my body is short and stocky, but i'm a tall thin slender woman with big tits who walks down the runways in Belgium with Tom Brady's wife who's sad at the moment. because Brazil lost. walk the runway? doesn't make sense. anyway the new Wendy's Italian Mozz chicken sandwich has hot melty cheese so stretchy you'd think it was rubber cement. which it is. don't worry, the "cheese" never dries...

happy weekend, my babies. GO ENGLAND.

TOMORROW: i went to a McDonald's drivethru and ordered a QPC. i got a QVC gift basket at the next window. that's cool, my Christmas shopping is done now.

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