Monday, December 12, 2022

TMIT: WE ONLY USE 'TIS IN DECEMBER

 



1. would you rather have a cold December holiday season or a warm holiday season?

you know me, i'm a goth, I LOVE COLD. but i gotta say.........only if i'm under my LARGE-ASS cream square-pleated down comforter with plastic feathers inside. it's not a weather thing, it's a money thing, i can't afford waking up every night at 4AM to turn on the heater.

it's been a long December
but there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
cos i'll meet Courteney Cox at a coffee shop in the snow, wink wink

Counting Crows

2. would you rather help Santa deliver presents or help Santa in his workshop? i did everything for Santa. i divorced the love of my life for Santa. i left my wife for Santa. i moved ALL THE WAY to the North Pole when i would have rather lived in Seattle which is the same place. i was ready to make a lifelong cold commitment to Santa, live a life of wood toys and other toys and metal Christmas trees. an evergreen vow.

but it turned out Santa wasn't Santa, Santa was just a guy enjoying a Peppermint Frosty at Wendy's.

3. would your rather wear nice clothes all Christmas day or wear pajamas?

the broader question is why can't we wear PAJAMAS INSTEAD OF CLOTHES FOREVER. it's not a Hugh Hefner thing, nobody cares about that guy anymore.

4. would you rather eat fruitcake for two days straight or eat candy canes for two straight days?

everyone makes fun of fruitcake but fruitcake is the SOLE MONEY SUPPLY OF MONKS. without that fast greasy cash that comes in from the fruitcakes we monks will starve out on the street with our robes on. it's our meth. SOMEBODY has to pay for that half-completed church on the hill. Fruitcake is our Source, not God.  

and then i went to ancestry.com to find out what diseases i would get as an old man. i dug and dug and dug until i came upon my ancestor Doug. 23andMe told me i was related to GREGOR MENDEL which was a DIRTY LIE!!! so i quit the monastery.

5. right now would you rather eat gingerbread cookies or drink hot chocolate?

RIGHT NOW: stollen with Van Halen

the Van Halen without David Lee Roth, with that other dude, but not the dude from that band Extreme...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MAH BABIES!!!

 




2 comments:

Soloman Jackson said...

I too prefer the cooler side... Quilts and blankets over actually turning to heat any day.

*Pajamas instead of clothes forever!" The best Marvel Movie there ever would be.

Stollen? I'm rethinking my answer now 😆

the late phoenix said...

soloman: i know, right? my blanket's so big it's a pillow fort at this point.

that's a battle cry for the ages!!! i'm waiting for them to make the movie version of that brilliant 1990s X-Men cartoon. and that 1980s Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends show, that show still gets me misty.

stollen shortbread is nice and heavy, makes hard cookies that stay in your stomach for a week, wink wink.

HTMIT :)