STRAWBERRY FROSTY!!!

 

notes:

* Domino's

male newsreader: RIGHT NOW!!! 50% off online pizzas at Domino's.

female newsreader: good, let's leave live on-air, working with you as my onair colleague has been torture. it either ends on awkward dead air because somebody forgot their line or you're harassing me for what i'm wearing to work...

* Bank of America

woman: what if i told you the Ancient Romans were the first to use bitcoin?

kid: nah. i'm gonna go play tennis professionally like my idol Felix Auger-Aliassime.

Marcus Aurelius: but kid that first Roman was ME...

* Arby's: we use Wagyu!!! in our steakhouseburgers. it's 1% Wagyu and 99% ground beef. drowned in Chick-fil-A Sauce...

* Madame Pons chewing a Toasted Cheddar Chalupa: Air, Water, Earth, and Fire Gatorades?

Aang: ...

Madame Pons: the Elements sports drink? we did that stuff at LUSH when it first opened in a London boutique in the Swinging Sixties!!!

* Telluride Nightfall

man driving: i see a hang-glider out my window, that's not cool.........okay now i see my WIFE flying through the air without a machine just her using her arms and legs to flap in the sky, now THAT is what flying was supposed to be for humans!!! here, honey, you earned this meal atop the mountain.

wife: what is it?

man: Domino's. it's only available RIGHT NOW so i have to run down this hill, wink wink, to get it...

* Gladyce: while the garbage disposal was being fixed i thought i couldn't use the bathroom until it was done 20 hours later for lack of water. but it was no water only in the right sink...

Butt: yeah sorry about being not clear.

Doryce: vague.

* fear antelope: taking on the Silverchair llamas

* Jack Noseworthy: look at my unique face!!! look at my LIPS!!! look at my nose!!! i am noteworthy.

* Kernkraft 400: beautiful beats, not a memorable song title. maybe if it had been called "Nuclear Energy 400" it would have been more of a worldwide hit...

Eye Luggage: oh but i LOVE that stark antiseptic modern tech white house on the cover of the single!!! i want that house for me and Laertus!!! i want that for us, Laertus...

* Katy Hessel: right? you can't deny i make some good points. okay fine well at any rate check out my bellbottoms, they're pretty cool...

* Paula Rego: abortion is STILL not settled law in the world yet? law of the land, all lands? we have to keep putting up with anti-abortion sentiment FOREVER?!!! see, art never dies. my painting War was a comment on war but also a comment on Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland...

* Chezzie: short for Cassandra.

Dirg: or Cheese Grater.

Chezzie: Chas, Chastity, Chaz...

* Jewel: you know, i was the FIRST one to do the whole abandon Hollywood to flee to the countryside and live on a farm thing. before it was in vogue. i'm not jealous of Madonna. i was off the grid before there was a grid. i mean i CAME from a farm in Alaska...

* Jewel: um, i don't know if i've been asked to do the Yellowstone soundtrack yet but.........yeah i could do that. i could guest-star in an episode of Yellowstone, too, you know, whatever.

* Molly Malone Cook: yeah but i was Betty from Sunset Boulevard in real life. i was Mary Oliver's lifelong reader.

* Ray Liotta: i was channeling Nic Cage all the way for that dying alcoholic on ER...

* Madame Pons: i think i'm gonna try my hand at writing a bodice-ripper.
Mardith: a bonkbuster.

Dirg: just don't call it a hysterical historical, amirite?

Dirg tries to high-five Madame Pons but Madame Pons is having none of it.

* Steve Perry: i look COMPLETELY different now...

* Greg Norman: what would you do if i dangled a $100 million check in front of your bouncing nose? if you're Pete Davidson, you get your eyes fixed...

* Trix Breakfast Is Bananas: the bananas look like little Pac-Mans...

* Rebel Wilson: what i needed this time was a Disney princess.........i mean, forget i said "this time".

* Tyzik: think about it, is it more lasting to leave a comment on someone's post or to DM them your response to that same post?...

* Christel Bodenstein: i had the bod. don't look at me as i hit a massive gushy fish-monster with my shoe or that Raccoon Man who was a full-sized man who was my best friend, look at that trippy film i was in as an introduction to Bjork's childhood. look at the sculpture it inspired, a tornado of peace pipes which are marijuana pipes. look at just my shimmering eyes...

* Kakashi is down on his one ninja knee in Rome.

Kakashi: have we put on our sunblocks?, we need it. 

Suzy Lu: you have your mask as your sunscreen. i'm in a Game of Thrones chair and there's Harry Potter smoke billowing all around. i'm ready.........for whatever's gonna happen.

Kakashi: will you marry me?

Suzy Lu: the ring is a miniature version of your silver headband!!! of COURSE i say YES!!!

everybody in and out of youtube cries.

me: this moment is spiritual. the spirituality of being settled, everyone craves THIS right here. magical moment.

Suzy: AWWWW, you're so CUTE!!! i'm crying genuinely like i do on my youtube videos. nice proposal. this works, right? it lightnings a lot in Rome...

Kakashi: my lightning is eternal, an eternal source of power when you dump Elon Musk when he inevitably goes after you, but i was thinking Paris cos City of Lights...

the Iron Throne chair turns into the Broken Chair out in front of the United Nations...

Suzy: we will never be shaky like that chair. like international multilateral relations. we will love each other forever like Hinata and Naruto.

Kakashi: unlike that shipwreck, i am no longer rudderless. thank you for being my person, Suzy Lu.

Suzy: what's our wedding feast gonna be?

Kakashi: McDonalds.

Suzy: don't fumble the bag till you get the bag.

Kakashi: Kate Spade, right? i remember. i make a modest living as leader of the village. i keep all my stacks of cash in my fanny-pack satchel.

Putin: like my new Russian McDonalds logo? there's no food shortage over HERE in Mother Russia...

Suzy: burger and two fries?

Putin: ball and two dicks...

CLICK HERE FOR THE STRAWBERRY FROSTY

happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: yep. it's happening. after 300 years they're FINALLY offering the Strawberry Frosty. they finally got around to it. and you just know that when i get there the Frosty machine will be broken...