1. pick your next sexual encounter:
a) blindfolded during oral sex: i'd rather interview Herve Villechaize. but REALLY interview him this time, you know?...
b) sex in a hot tub: only if it's a time machine
c) sex in an elevator it's sad but Aerosmith stopped performing "Hole In My Soul" after the tour, you never heard that song again onstage. at least they kept up with "Taste of India"
d) phone sex: only if it's a 1980s 900 number...
e) bringing in a third party: Bernie!!!
2. when could having sex with an ex be a good thing? if it's Jack Dorsey BEFORE the beard. so you can actually see what his face looks like for Recognition purposes when facebook builds the robots...
3. have you ever had sex in a public toilet? no judgment:
i've ONLY had sex in a public toilet. ALL of my sex has been in a Burger King bathroom. one time i had to block the door by sliding the wood-block of the key in place. i had the key cos i was an employee...
4. car sex is hot or not? only if Paul Newman swallowing raw eggs is your passenger. there's never enough bubbles at these things, you need to go to a carwash with a LUSH inside the minimart, fetch some bath bombs...
5. what is the most appealing thing about you? if you're having a bad day i'll slip on a banana for you. then blame Ronald McDonald for the damages...
BONUS: some time ago in Geneva, Switzerland a coffee shop opened where you could get a hot delicious cup of coffee with a side of hot delicious blowjob. that's right, after you order your coffee you use an ipad to select the sex worker you want to have give you the blowjob. A-would you visit this coffee shop? B-would you get the blowjob?
i OWN this coffee shop. we only use ipad minis. it's called Federer's Fellatio Fort & Fingerhut. our logo is the Starbucks mermaid with a tennis racquet for the tail and two tennis balls for the shell bra. foam parties every Friday night. spoiler: the foam is froth. sadly we had to shut down after Federer lost The Number, when Nadal caught up to him and the two men are now tied...
7 comments:
I would pick a threesome, my last one was not that fun but I think it would be better this time.
My car sex adventure with the Gymnist was worth it.
Sex with an ex is never a good idea but I would do it again with Billie.
Why don't we have coffee shops in the US like that?
i learned the hard way the difference between an angel and devil threesome
sex in a roofless jeep is still the ultimate challenge
that will be Episode 1, wink wink
ikr, call it The Dunkin. The Starbucks Sex Shoppe. The Coffee Cunnilingus. why doesn't Subway have a drivethru tho? it seems obvious
1: Phone sex - it’s the new lockdown love.
2: When you’re about to steal his winning lottery ticket.
3: It’s the perfect orgy-hole.
4: Hot - especially in Death Valley
5: Not for me to say.
Bonus - There’s enough froth on coffee these days *)
1: Phone sex - it’s the new lockdown love.
2: When you’re about to steal his winning lottery ticket.
3: It’s the perfect orgy-hole.
4: Hot - especially in Death Valley
5: Not for me to say.
Bonus - There’s enough froth on coffee these days *)
So you own Federer's Fellatio Fort & Fingerhut. How did you ever get Herve Villechaize to work for you there.
mah dahlin:
1. i meant to say 900 number, if it were an 800 number free services would mean something completely different
2. Shirley Jackson warned us
4. Death Valley got more snow than Texas...
i made homemade Orange Julius but i dumped a whole bottle of vanilla extract in the blender!!! it tasted weird and i was loopy for days...
love you *)
smu: poor Herve was never the same after Fantasy Island...
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