TMIT: 1941 AQUAMAN

WOULD YOU RATHER

1. have sex with someone who never showers or someone who never brushes their teeth?

TWO WORDS: RAINFALL SHOWERHEAD

i was having the most delightful dream: i was in a treetrunk shower in the jungles of Peru with Aquaman..........but it turns out it wasn't Jason Momoa, it was 1941 Aquaman...

hey don't play me with all that teeth stuff, i've had a hell of a time in my life. if only i had known about the water flosser, i could have saved my mouth the pain of 17 root canals and one deelectrified nerve. i was right there, too! i saw that episode of Seinfeld where Frank Costanza screams out about the waterpik! but my mind just never made the connection...

2. only have sex in the shower for the rest of your life or only have sex on the floor for the rest of your life?

as someone who has never showered i wouldn't mind the first option, it'd be a new experience. i wanted to shower but they said i was an artist so i couldn't. hey aren't artists supposed to get all the hot babes? so where are they? fuck i smell ripe! i smell like Puck from Real World...

sex on the floor, especially with the Cart Titan. SPOILER: the Cart Titan is actually a hot babe...

3. cry every time you had sex or burp everytime someone kissed you?

cry, that's the only way you know the sex was good. and then like Philip K. Dick after a good crying jag you write a masterpiece book. i don't trust authors who don't cry while writing...

burping into someone's mouth is kinky. but let's wait off till the pandemic ends...

4. found out the last person you had sex with was your long lost cousin or that the person you last had sex with was a brutal serial killer?

cousin. as in the popular phrase kissing cousins. very common in my area, the phrase that is, said all over the kickball court and brick handball courts of my school at recess. or was that just me? Catholic grade school was the life of the party in the '80s...

we have enough death and destruction in the world, so no to number two. i know the guy from High School Musical played Ted Bundy for laughs in that strange film in which the whole thing was a weird whimsical farce, but...no.

BONUS: would you rather always say what you are thinking or never be able to speak again?

the world would be safer if humans were incapable of lying, politics as we know it would collapse, whole oppressive systems would crumble..........you could never cheat on your spouse...

for option two i'm gonna wait off till humans can read each others' minds, which will happen in 2051...

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