notes:
* yeah i've always had a thing for teachers. like someone who gets interested in cars after watching Speed Racer i got interested in teachers after watching Magic School Bus. Ms. Frizzle was my first crush. i took notes not just for blogspot later. in my headcanon she's Miss Frizzle. dare i dream Mrs. Frizzle after a divorce? that's also when i decided i was damned cos i liked the gingers. oh don't even SHOW me the new rebooted Ms. Frizzle for Gen Z, don't show me that mess, the original is the Red OG! i'm not trying to throw anybody under the bus here, only myself.
* i put a shiny bright red apple on Ms. Frizzle's desk...
me: i love you, Ms. Frizzle. i don't need a schoolbus, YOU are my magic!
Ms. Frizzle takes the apple and throws it at my head.
Ms. Frizzle: gravity. inertia, class...
me: what's with the purple electric-guitar earring?
Ms. Frizzle: i ate Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock. no i really did eat him, as in i swallowed him, as in swallowed him whole, that's where my magic comes from. i hate to break this to you and the class but...when i was young, i was a hippie Flower Child...
Ms. Frizzle: that's NOT the same thing as boho! i was the REAL THING! i HATE Gen Z!
* grade school...
me: teach me your ways, Ms. Krause. the rest of the class hates you but i find you intriguing. i'm drawn to powerful women. i think deep down subconsciously i want to be dominated by strong women.
Ms. Krause: i can only teach you how to act Shakespearean. you won't understand this now but you think witches all wear black pointy hats, let me introduce you to this purple grimoire of mine i keep behind the blackboard called WICCA...
* this happened to me in high school...
me: so are we gonna fuck or what?
Ms. Glen, short as a churchmouse: i TEACH you History, let's not HAVE history. we want to but we can't. i don't have a husband, men are intimidated by my shortness.
me: my shortness of breath...*reaches for rescue inhaler*
Ms. Glen: my shortness when i argue. you have to look at it this way: this all-boys school is an aberration, it has nothing to do with the real world. gather up all your friends from the all-girls school across the block, you will need them later. college won't go the way you envision, they will be your safety net.........20 years later when you're filmscript-writing your life and you need actresses to play all your lost loves...
* teacher: it's called Wingstop. not WingStop or Wing Shack or WingShack...or Wing Pit sponsored by NASCAR, not even Kevin James could make a red-state comedy work...
* teacher: why do i need to wear this tag with my face on it, we're not in a covid hospital...speaking of which, why aren't any of us wearing masks?...
* teacher: we were just going over the Hieroglyphics...
teacher: who ordered these wings?! fess up! who wants to eat now?!
kid: okay I WANNA EAT GLUE!!! *cries*
* teacher: class go outside and play in Beverley Mitchell's kids' playhouse...
class: Beverley Mitchell?
teacher: pure name-drop, haven't heard her name in ages, she's my next-door neighbor in Hollywood...
teacher: if you disobey me it's the dunce corner! here you'll get your head shaved like Bill Belichick! i'm the new modern kind of nun! we got rid of the habits but not the bad habits!
* teacher: lemon-pepper?
Wingstop man: lemon-salt.
teacher: FUCK YOU! only i can swear in class, class...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: The Chicken Wars. which chicken sandwich should i get?:
a) McDonalds
b) Popeyes
c) Burger King
d) Death Star
e) Domino's
f) Wendy's
g) Taco Bell (yes Taco Bell)
h) Togo's
can't say Wingstop of course that's cheating
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