notes:
* The Queen: this is about as much fun as watching cricket oh shit i wasn't supposed to say that!!! relations will be set back centuries!!! all i hear are crickets!!!
Fox Mulder: i once did a beefcake calendar for quoits at Princeton...
The Queen: that's quaint, dear...
* Debra Wilson: so i finally make an appearance!!! after 15 years there's a Debra Wilson sighting!!! no i'm not gonna talk about Bryan Callen i'm not calling him. you know why MADtv BEAT SNL those years? cos i'm a queen and it was ME! MY skits, MY characters. i was the OG cast member, the one people remember, not the woman, just the one. where have i been all this time? waiting on The Boondocks like ev'ry else. i'll come back when STABLER comes back!!! have i gotten any of my tats removed? HELL NAW. i mean yeah i married Cliff Skelton, not a redbone thing, i truly thought he would be Rick Fox......... he was NOT...
* Debra Wilson: i was the first woman on broadcast tv to do a commercial parody where i explicitly talk about shaving off my vagina hair...
* Dirg: okay i want the girl in this video. it's not like that. it's not a Beautiful Girls supermodels situation. i appreciate a smooth landing strip but i don't want to see how the sausage is made. she's a Suicide Girl. her tattoos aren't just ink they mean something, they have red spots in them to indicate blood wringed from a dying rose. they mean she's from the skateboard streets of Costa Mesa, California and the curlers in her hair indicate she was once in a ska band in junior college. she hates what Gwen Stefani has become and she walks around the street with no underwear proudly displaying that full bush. i have coarse hair down there, too...
Laertus: no one has ever looked down there tho...
Dirg: ...and i have thin skin. and i get irritated easily. and i'm taking the bar, we're the perfect match.
* Laertus: these two commercials really do highlight the men v women thing from Beautiful Girls.
Eye Luggage: you two are idiots...
pretty boy who looks like Max Perlich: you wanna know why doing cardio will only make you fatter?...
Laertus: why are Schick razors so hard to find? why are they locked behind glass under a dartboard at the pub next to a shanty of ice cubes where the Guinness Storehouse is stored. like a glass lion from a menagerie...
Eye Luggage: i want to drink EVERY sin of those 7 Deadly Zins over there on the counter...
Laertus: you know me and my limp wrist. but i tried to toss the dart into some sort of shoot. it didn't hit anywhere near close the target but it did hit the glass underneath and popped that whole glass cabinet open! now the brutes in the bar could finally embrace me with their big burly arms and hearty quaff laughs. one recalls how he was here in this very exact pub in 1973 with his Farrah Fawcett feathered locks and did not see James Blunt anywhere...
* Laertus: does AXE do for men what Venus does for women?
Dirg: and is this another Sesame Street DoorDash commercial?
* Tyzik: Hawaiian shirt, harmless. and he has two reflections...
* Dirg: no it's a McDonalds commercial with the singing sunflowers...
Pee-wee Herman: i lived on a stoop my first three years of life, nobody picked me up. i was a weird baby...
* Black Professor Black: this is definitely Berkeley. there's a pink flyer on off-white bank Ancient Roman column. and newspapers still. and a bank. we stick to the hippie stone coins, we're suspicious of cryptocurrency...
Dirg: hot nubian babe with the big tits but she's modest cos she disguises it by wearing the black tie...
* Eye: everyone is at the window of the coffeehouse not to participate in the Covid Chorus but to pound on the windows cos that's a lot of caffeine
* Oscar the Grouch: Starbucks cold brew tastes like garbage-water...
Big Bird: when was the last time you cleaned your trashcan?
Oscar the Grouch: come here i wanna bite your beak off.
Big Bird: btw, that's not cold brew, that's beer...
* hot dog vendor: i'm not crosseyed, my eyes are just hep to the beat. and i'm honoring my favorite actor Forest Whitaker...
* we are three people spinning on a hot-dog roller it's that hot...
Venus Suicide Girl: *slap* WAKE UP! those are rollers in my hair, you were having a dream...
Dirg: oh no in this dream you're my sister! dammit!
* man: I CAN FLY! LOOK AT THE PARROTS ON MY SHIRT!!!
* man: see the double-decker bus? that indicates sophistication. i can get any girl in the world i want as long as i dab a pinkie-sprinkle of AXE behind my ear. see how you can't tell what race she is? she's a world citizen. she's olive but she's not Greek it's more she's ALL women in one.
* olive woman: i am here today before you to say outloud in the street Olive Oyl was NOT a prostitute. can we get that tv-show Alias reboot going soon? i'm perfectly dressed for that. dress for the job you want...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: Taco Bell is the clear winner of the Chicken Wars. that was a short war. in honor of Food Wars being back. i mean when you put a whole chicken patty INSIDE a taco shell you've won...
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