PAC-MAN THROWS DOTS (DARTS)

notes:

* *Rod Serling voice* picture if you will an '80s arcade pizzeria. not a neo-noir one like Game Over Pizza in downtown L.A. that's neon-purple. but an actual arcade that existed in the 1980s. now picture i mean hear that Pac-Man music at the start of each game. now instead of that Pac-Man music insert in your head Guns N Roses's "Patience"...

* now picture that top shelf you never paid no mind to all these years in your house all dusty with all your soccer trophies from the '80s that aren't gold anymore, they're silver from all the gold rubbed off. SUDDENLY that damn shelf collapses and you have no choice but to go to Pizza Hut for breakfast...

* Craig Robinson: remember when they said they weren't gonna do Super Bowl commercials anymore? cos they were too expensive and all the work that went into them wasn't worth it in the end?...

* Pizza Hut: we've always been "retro-styled", we never changed our style. 

Phoenix: the one thing i remember vividly was that lamp above your head, plaid lit checkered light in the shape of a wrapped drum...

Pizza Hut: called a Tiffany lamp.

Phoenix: named after Tiffany glass?

Pizza Hut: no named after when Tiffany banged that "secret boyfriend" she was not supposed to have one night after one of her many mall shows across Middle America, she did it right here under this very Tiffany lamp... 

* Phoenix: sure Patrick Mahomes can throw dots but Tom Brady is the GOAT...

Craig: are you kidding, son? Tom Brady once threw a dart into the Tampa Bay Buccaneers pirate ship on the football field and it had to get tested for covid. covid-spiked-tipped lawn-darts are the new weapon of war at birthday parties in the continued effort to get The Venture Bros back on tv...

Bernie Bros: YEAH!!!

Phoenix: but can he beat Galaga in one lifetime?... 

* Craig: this isn't my shirt, it's the Pizza Hut tablecloth...

* Craig: you think Pac-Man got tired of eating all those dots?

Q Anon: those weren't dots, those were Pac-Man's babies...

* Pac-Man: each dot i ate netted me 100 bucks...

Craig: what 3 toppings you want on your pizza, Pac-Man?

Pac-Man: um, i'm a little full. i've eaten 3 quadrillion dots in my lifetime, the only reason i don't get fat is cos i die everytime...

Mrs. Pac-Man: Pac-Man would like 3 pineapple toppings on his pizza...

* Phoenix: got any quarters?

Craig: this is the display model, it plays automatically by pushing a button.

Phoenix: just ain't the same...

* Phoenix: why you got a pizza under glass?

Craig: Belle rejected me, i wasn't woke enough on racial issues...

* Phoenix: why you got a pizza on your chain?

Craig: truth is i came in SECOND in Pac-Man Worldwide...

* Craig: stupid stupid stupid. what was i thinking? no one outPizzas the Hut.

Kenan Thompson raises his hand...

Craig: sure, rub it in that YOU were chosen for SNL, not ME...

* Axl Rose comes into the pizza establishment to pray. he's wearing an anime shirt and has just come from the first-ever anime con in the 1980s in downtown Sunset Blvd. he closes his eyes and meditates on RFK. he gets taken with the hillsong not teen spirit and starts to whistle, he is in Rapture. as Axl is kicked out of Pizza Hut he disappears into thin air...

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happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: THREE WORDS: MIGHTY HOT SAUCE from McDonalds...in memory of the Ducks...