picture it: Hollywood Bowl, 1985. the night air smells of fresh smog. the conductor steps out on stage to a green spotlight and rapt applause. cos all the adults in the audience know who he is but the kids have no fucking clue. the women especially start to giggle under their scarves. his tails are just a little too long and wobbly and soon he is in danger of tripping over himself. the rabid polite crowd gasps in horror.
but of course it's all an act. Mauceri flashes that million-dollar smile of his and all is well in dank PBS storage rooms across the country which keep the classical-music collection on vinyl. he is Mauceri after all. he is Mauceri. the famous Mauceri. famous maus mouse Mauceri. he brandishes his baton from his pocket...…...and let's face it, his cock is WAY bigger than that baton...
before the imminent commencement of the shenanigans of the Mountain King, Mauceri gives a nod to Bugs and pretends to eat a carrot made of air. that's no baton, folks, that's his dick! he explains the correct pronunciation of his unusual name:
Mauceri: very simple mind-picture. mouse. mau. when you see a mouse you immediately get up on a chair. cer. and you scream eeeeeee! i. Mou-chair-eee
for some reason men took to that speech more than women. i'll never forget sitting in the middle grassy row hearing that speech through the loudspeakers as a little boy. it forever changed me. it made me fearful of Splinter. from then on i always thought Splinter was secretly a bad guy who would crawl under my sheets at night and make me learn karate against my will by forcing me to chop my baby-chair into wood.
1. he ___inside me repeatedly
looked for the map
2. what excited me most was ___ and ___
seaweed and strip-joint wings
3. i louged around naked on the couch with my ___
Tom Cruise
4. still bound and begging, and he ___
finally gave me some Snausages
5. after ___ i gently unbound him
watching Vanilla Sky
BONUS: all i can think of is how quickly ___
i've spent 30 years writing on this blog in one form or another, 3 or 4 times a week, and it's all gone by in a flash. it's like the feeling when i first started. doing my homework in little bitesize story form even all the way back then, itching to start up again with my craft i couldn't quit. my first post. my first TMIT. my first story. MATCH.COM MINDY MAGIC, who knew? i'm sure if i research it it will end up being this blog and the others 13 years so i won't delve deeper. i'm STILL STILL STILL looking for my soulmate!!! it's like all this started a week ago...…...and that ain't the pandemic talking...
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