notes:
* whenever Sinatra or some crooner is singing, you know some global tragedy is happening or some clandestine government's trying to sweep it under the rug from the pax populi with shadow lights.
* look at the Sinatra hologram! he's singing with 2Pac and Whitney! this was 9/11 Vanilla Sky technology!
* all War of the Worlds posters are too bitterly ironic and passe now
* this looks like James Franco's den. did anyone have any idea Alison Brie married James Franco after everything!?
* i'm not a vampire, my fapping took longer than expected
* cat (unseen): dude you got a cool-looking Tiki fan there.
dude: yeah it's just for decoration.
unseen cat: well that's unfortunate. cos your pits stink! i've been licking them all night while you were sleeping. get that foul beast away from me!
dude: it's just a stuffed meerkat. i'm nostalgic for when tv was good...
cat: why are you staring at that Malaysian porn?
dude: no it's an old AXE commercial of a couple in the pouring rain. moody glow. teaching me how to tongue again, it's been so long.
cat: admit it, you were licking the screen cos you thought that rain was real.
dude: i forgot what rain was.
* dude: where am i? my daddy told me about this place. there's a weird hilly street with a broken-dotted lane. Beatlesville or something?
jogger: you're in San Francisco, dude. look at my purple paisley pants it's a dead giveaway. why are you carrying around your mail?
dude: like myself the mail hasn't delivered in months.
jogger: i saw you peeping me from your mailslot, you creep. the reason is your knob is in the middle of your door.
dude: is that code? it's been so long, is this conversation are we fucking right now?
* Simpsons-Homer-backing-into-the-hedges meme is so old the dude who is Ed Sheeran wears a Nirvana Seattle-scene plaid grunge shirt doing it
* not anything to do with the pandemic lockdown, dude's just nervous around women that his boner froze.
dude: then the rest of my body. i became a diverse Iceman...…...but i'm not gay...
* dude: like my megaphone?
picnic student: is that code for head?
dude: fuck i forgot the San Pellegrino! picnic ruined!
picnic student: no dude the picnic was ruined when you brought those strange beets that look like red potatoes...
* EVERY Instagram pic promoting travel with the POV shot of you and the girl in the sundress turning around and smiling and taking your hand.
dude: i'm holding a stick between us. for safety. i don't think you're a dog.
girl on a hill: and i'm not the Taco Bell Sunset Girlfriend.
dude stumbling and tumbling on the hill: you're not holding my hand. you're holding a blue neoprene glove...
girl: your name is Jack. but my name is not Jill...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: FIVE GUYS!!! my summer tour of new burger joints across the town square continues! in that square of sand i knew about all my years living here but never explored! Five Guys has finally moved away from the Eastern Seaboard and joined us over here on the Best Coast. Peter from Family Guy is very sad about this...
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