ANGIE IN VEGAS: YOUR ROOTS ARE SHOWING

it's another episode of Match Game.

Debralee Scott: Gene, i promise that this one will REALLY get the ratings!!!

Gene Rayburn: oh?

Bart Braverman: oh yeah man, kissing the contestants and everything is tame. we're talking about SEX in the bottom row!!!

Debralee: we are gonna FUCK on live television!!!

the audience claps and applauds.

Patty Duke with cigarette stick she clips a roach on: is this my fault? i'm sorry, when i was on here i was not myself, really broken inside, i usually don't act that haphazard. Valley of the Dolls was about pharmacy bubblegum.

Gene Rayburn turns his head to the camera sternly.

Gene: and now if you're quite finished. ladies and germs if i could be serious for one moment. you've seen me, you see how it is with me, as the episodes mount, as one year of Match Game bleeds into the next season of Match Game, the dementia is slowly creeping into my brain. it's not forgetfulness, it's the curse of being a wordsmith. Bruce, we're all thinking of you, even if you don't see what's going on with you.

the audience claps and applauds.

Bill Belichick: can i get in the Hall of Fame if i teach a class on pressure at the community college? air pressure...

John Enos III: i'm the only person who WROTE an episode of Red Shoe Diaries that i ACTED in!!!

Walker: i don't have penis envy of you, but i do have motorcycle envy.

Shakespeare: i knocked up my 26-year-old girlfriend when i was 18. i was known as the stud of my writing school...

Nick Kyrgios: care for a knock up?

Emma Raducanu: ...

Nick: a light hitting of the tennis ball before a match.

Emma: do either of us PLAY tennis anymore?

Menace II Society: is that Lamar Jackson?...

Nautilus VibraTone: toned EVERYTHING. but you look like you're having an epileptic seizure.

Ian Curtis: the panic attack was worth it, my butt is hard as a stone.

Mr. McFeely: i like cats.........don't like clipping their nails tho...

Australian Open 2026: could've been an email...

Al Bundy: imagine me in the Chevy Chase role in all those National Lampoon movies...

Betty White: it just seems that i was married to George Burns, you know?...

Catherine O'Hara: i can now finally find my missing son in Heaven.........wait, Macaulay Culkin SURVIVED that INSANE childhood of his?!!!...

Debralee and Bart get buck naked to the hoots and hollers of the crowd.

Bart has an ancient Indian diamond-belt tattoo all around his body right at the stomach level just below his penis. covering his belly button.

Gene: are your nards painted red?

Debralee for her part is ASS UP wearing nothing but a pink Angie wristwatch.

Bart: this is gonna be a Southwest spirit walk. you can't see it but my pupils are tomahawks.

Debralee: i don't mind claw marks but i fear the flame.

Debralee: wanna VAcation in Virginia?

Bart: i see what you did there.

Gene mid-coitus uses his skinny mic to poke around the couple.

Gene: you two are something, best couple i've seen in awhile, Hollywood or otherwise. from this above-view let me see your hairs. your roots are showing.

Bart: thank you. proud Indian. we are not from the West Indies, SIR!!!

Gene: and you are.........no angle here, folks, this is the real deal. ladies and gentlemen, would you join me in giving a hand to our two dingbats here, they are songbirds of love. this man has just fucked a real redhead!!! a true-blue ginger!!!

Gene places his microphone in the cradle of his elbow as he claps with two hands.

the studio audience and Ira Skutch in a yellow San Diego Padres long sleeve shirt claps and applauds.