FRIZZY HAIRCUT: THAT FOURTH MONTH

 

Jen and i are at church. in the front pew.

me: look at my hair.

Jen R: i THINK you need a haircut. but i'm not sure.

me: i'm becoming sick of shaving it off every three months, it's such a pain. today is the first day of my FOURTH month letting my shaggy messy fro-y hair grow out.

Jen: i'm scared of what your beard will become.

me: it ITCHES like a motherfucker!!!

we spot Kurt Cobain in the middle pew.

me: what up man.

Kurt: i'm gonna investigate the father's private quarters, the confession he gave me this morning just hasn't sit right.

Jen: what was his advice?

Kurt: he said if i dyed my hair blueberry-blue all my sins would be cleansed.

Jen: i mean a priest drunk on altar wine is just a Monday.

i step in the confessional. the booth is hot. Father Navin is perkier than normal. his eyes are completely bugged out.

me: hi man. okay show me the cut-finger trick with the Irish buzzer-whistle once more, it always calms me.

Father Navin: Jesus told me you need a haircut and a job.

me: should i cut it off? it's such a pain to shampoo all the time.

Father Navin: wait.........wait a year...

Tokyo Revengers: this is your life. just plug in Gina for the girl.

B movie: filming the end of a movie is always the worst part, it's so boring...

TpxiueL; of come on, why Cudi;Lt I have been in The Goonies?...

To Ile okay I;LL take Napolpn Frankie before it;s too late!!!

the box avenger; Setronocs Classes $1?

Marinelli's: apple Joe for adults.

Alex Him old: see i copied Caotain rly climbing Rl Caitan bot this was in the hotter  actually Caotain Kirk copied ME because he date me do it on the past...

Spock l is it really free-floating without a net Flying-car day-care if you have me in rocket pots raid to catch you?

Nice Cagel the reason my hair okay so good in Cin fair is because I used an '80s Cinair blow dryer.

Robot Ellis MSL I had the very distinctive look of laying doctors with bushy beards, nowhere on the Tory of man and art di you see doors with bushy ears sike that...

Paul georgeL tatl royghm Mann i tool that illegal medicine for my mental health, man...

Drake Myl I'm not going you, avoiding you, I really have a cold shoulder. mu shoulder to gel;s on top like it;s Melissa Make vision VHilly Willy. the strangers soothing senation, Ben-Gay naturally rpoced NY my body, imagine of you will my should having an enema...

Bad Bunnt at the Fiepr BowlL I; gonna be free-floating it out here,Cato.

Cash vabL Dfer DrakL not true, it's list en Vualey riding his NCY can at night...

black teal out;e drinking a secret island pupits e of a dark magic herb black ta os the coffee f eat.

taro: Caoreate boba. jicama Joe.

Tiki Revengers k we're tough bf PT gangsters m not we still have sense enough tow are masks dang Ovid.

Jen Rl in order go m to stop channels prn I need  a channel SVOT sorting...

Fixu LuL down Hime n0[makeup pinkalajam juice for  now on, those is the way t RCT to SALL anime epsio some Yitiobe. ight, I mean whi pit sn a dress to watch cartoons?!!!

pork n beans: i mean next time actually include the pork...

Alexis Ohanian: who says nothing good happens at Waffle House?...

Kurt breaks into Father Navin's private room at the back of the church with just his side.

Kurt Cobain: nice view, i've never seen THESE bushes before.

Father Navin: check my phone, it was an honest mistake.

Kurt: why is your home phone an office phone?

Kirk pushes his three favorite buttons and the message plays back in tape:

"*tone* we're sorry, your number cannot be completed as dialed..."

Father Navin: i thought i was ordering priest collars. not S&M collars. 

Kurt: but why call a 900 number?

Father Navin: 900, the year the modern Church was founded...

Kurt: look at this long blond Christ hair, you ain't foolin' nobody.

Father Navin: why couldn't i have been Father Nirvana?

Kurt: why instead of a bathroom do you have a urinal in your bedroom?

Father Navin: the Pope figured this was a way to steer priests away from the life of a toilet trader.

Kurt: come on, man, you REALLY need a vacation. from everything you have ever known. let's go see Koyaanisqatsi.

Father Navin: that movie is blasphemous. let's see Boyz n the Hood, Laurence Fishburne was so hot in that. or Skullduggery, my Canadian priests are not doing so well up there. believe me, if you can't have sex, Dungeons & Dragons is the next best thing.