notes:
* Mark Hamill: i always manage to get myself into EVERY SINGLE sci-fi thing of note that matters...
* me: Long Beach?
Jen R: rad. that's next. the only place that still has hippies in 2024...
* Doryce: my fart just came out like a machine gun.
Gladyce: we call those unwanted Uzis, dear.
* Amazing Stories "The Eternal Mind".
Jeffrey Jones: and a little bit of WarGames. imagine if Eddie Deezen's giant face got trapped in the giant computer screen and Eddie becomes the war computer...
Katherine Borowitz: i look up like Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Jeffrey Jones: and i FINALLY experience Heaven.........which is really a Steve Jobs Computer Heaven...
* at the Holroyd House.
Kim Novak: do you see me in Bell, Book and Candle when i first become enamored with Jimmy Stewart? i make that WEIRD CHIPMUNK FACE, i grit my teeth like a hamster. but it still works because i can't be ugly. i like to go barefoot in my store...
* Jimmy Stewart reading the sign: milk leg?
Kim Novak: that's when cum drips down a man's leg when he first lays eyes on me...
Jimmy: you don't need to cast a love spell for THAT!!! that comes naturally for a man, no staring required.
Kim: no looking up?
Jimmy: what other concoctions and curiosities do you have in this shoppe?
Kim: me.
Jimmy: anything for ailments?
Kim: witches cured the common cold 40,000 years ago...
* Kyle Brandt: i was about to say that dude dresses like Coming to America but i held my tongue at the last moment. when i learned he represents his native Ugandan heritage with his threads...
player: clothes really DO make the man...
* Jessie Pegula: my favorite cartoon is The Wild Thornberrys. do you like me NOW?!!!...
* an exasperated Michael Weiss: hey guys, on Instagram, no more abstracts, okay? enough with the abstracts, i can't deal with the abstracts anymore...
* Oroweat: the Oroweat Circle of Life. remember when you saw the Oroweat truck when you were first-day into being knee-deep in sticky long covid with no hope for a cure? and now you spot the Oroweat truck and you can breathe easy...
* Berenstain Bears: we're the only people who gather acorns anymore...
* Prevagen: come on, Wisconsin, you can't just be about cheese...
* Jen R: you want to improve your memory? have kids...
me: i'm waiting for my God shot...
Jen R: i'm a Jew who goes to church.
Fuerza: God got shot?
* Jen R: i think we'd make a good match.
me: why do you say that?
Jen R: i'm from Brooklyn so you and i both never learned how to drive...
* Dan Campbell: i'm the live-action version of the comic strip Hagar the Horrible...
* Amazing Stories "The Wedding Ring".
Rhea Perlman: i have NEVER been this mousey in a role!!!
Danny DeVito: same here. hey this scene looks like Romancing the Stone...
Rhea: we were PERFECT for each other as a couple.
Danny: same exact size.
Rhea: we're a better couple separated.
Danny: i am the only sexy manlet who has ever lived.
Rhea: who has a wedding on a Thursday?...
* Danny DeVito: home schmome. a bungalow is where it's at.
Rhea Perlman: what do you do at that bungalow at night?
Danny: jump around.
* Danny DeVito: imagine me with my same face but i'm 7 feet tall...
* sempervirens: the first Ancient Roman sapling seedling landed in California with a red shield...
* Dwan Young: at least i didn't jump the shark...
* Dwan Young: Jesus take the waterskis. i eat the spray and the foam, a missionary's mouth is never fed...
* bergamot: settling is not an option.........unless the tea leaves settle for four minutes...
Jean-Luc Picard: Bergamot...
* tornado: as a last-ditch effort, escape from me by lying in a ditch...
* Nick Sirianni: i just lost my job with the Eagles but i immediately started starring in that PBS telenovela Hijos del desierto...
* Merle: wanna hear me prowl growl?...
* Boc: i figured out the mystery. that disembodied voice coming from the sky wasn't Bono from U2 megaphoning the ills of the world in the morning. it was four workers at the far-end bus stop talking with each other about their crappy jobs.
Laertus: very Tokyo Godfathers...
Bono: i'm a godfather. to God.
Fuerza: huge 88-bun orange pallet of Hawaiian rolls just PLOP left there on the stone bus bench...
Fuerza: that made my stomach jump...
Fuerza: i'm getting back to my old self again...
* Lucio: you notice how the spam call HESITATED there for a moment? it was just a HALF-RING cos it knew it was being naughty and was disappointed in itself for what it was doing.
* at the SLIM spacecraft launchpad in Japan.
Japanese people: no jokes please...
Launchpad McQuack: ...
Takahashi: FINALLY the sci-fi of our people is catching up with the anime sci-fi...
* Roger Federer: why'd you bite your arm?
Mirra Andreeva: just to make sure i wasn't a vampire...
* living in the suburbs of Hollywood, California: the Garden of Eden on Earth.
* IKEA: things aren't adding up. inflation is DOWN for some reason...
Ryan Reynolds: things can be bought again. vote for me for President and i'll get rid of all the plastic bags 20 years ago...
* Skyrizi.
woman in boat: we can't eat Green Goddess salad dressing anymore...
Leslie Sbrocco: the Green Goddess is so good as the filling for these sandwiches, they make them visually appealing...
Popeye: i left Olive Oyl for you, Sibby.
Leslie Sbrocco: thank you.
Olive Oyl: i called him Pop and he called me Lovie Oyl.
Popeye: i left Swee'Pea with Cecilia Phillips, that baby LOVES playing Skyrim.
* Pepsi: some people should never be parents. but why do I have to be one of them? i wouldn't push my son into Peewee Football, i'd push my son into Pee-wee Herman.
* Andy Cohen: with Walmart Plus you can stop talking to people. New Year's is kinda my thing ever since Kathy Griffin did that thing. i've never done yoga on such a LOW MATTRESS before. please let pickleball go the way of college football, as in to extinction. that oil painting looks more like Anderson. there is 0 weight in these dumbbells. i ground down your sunflower for car gas. this is my wife...
* Jim Mora: now ME is a GET!!! good job, DraftKings, i thought i was dead. if i had been Commissioner of College Football there wouldn't have been a BCS. we would have had a 16-team playoff starting with Yale beating Princeton...
Julia Ioffe: or Princeton beating Yale...
* Portugal The Man: we wanted to to be Portland The Man but we ran out of time. Taco Bell was the only stop who didn't turn us down for being men with tiny guitars. McDonald's refused to serve us after peeping our electric ukuleles. Trader Joe's lit our tour bus on fire. per diem? we're paying our record company to NOT put our wrists in Prince shackles...
* Progressive pigeons.
Archer: my grandfather was Norm Macdonald, a war hero. he carried pigeons to inform the world that Generalissimo Francisco Franco was still dead.
other pigeon: that's not North, that's up.
Archer: you just blew my mind!!!
* Jamie Foxx: sports are boring. sports are predictable. the only way sports are interesting is if you bet on sports. it's all fixed a year before anyway...
* Eli Manning: that NFL ad about the digital athlete was buggy and couldn't be shown, the video never played because the AI went wonky...
happy Divisional weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: i need something NEW. how about The Meltdown for melts? $15 sandwiches?!!! see, this is the problem.........how much are you willing to pay for soft bread?...
Denny's: that gets toasted anyway...
IHOP: it's not purple, purple onions don't count.
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