notes:
* Dishoom: the Wilhelm Scream of Bombay...
* Denny's: gunpowder potatoes? they taste a little chalky. don't compare them to our red potatoes.
* Catherine Mary Stewart: you can only play video games at an arcade...
* Kelli Maroney in Night of the Comet: THIS room looks like the abandoned set of a Nickelodeon game show. there's a large circular hot tub here but there's no water only steam. the hot steam is steaming my wet clothes soaking them through as they cling to my skin, i can do a nude scene WITH MY CLOTHES ON!!!
* Kelli Maroney: can steam be cold? is there such a thing as cold steam? cold steam?...
Kelli Maroney: macaroni? Rice-a-Roni, they're the same thing...
* Daimler: we deal in dimes.........as in we steal from large downtown multinational silver skyscraper banks in the denomination of dime coins...
* Ralph Macchio: a Karate Kid '80s cartoon? haven't thought that far ahead...
* THE CICADAS ARE COMING!!!
anime: we know.
* Silverdome: the entire city of Detroit is Downtown Los Angeles...
Silverdome: home to the SilverHawks...
* Silversea: how do you hold onto a memory? how do you KEEP a memory? you need FUCKING MONEY. you need to drop the Silverdome gently onto the platform of a cruise ship...
* superintendent: people don't become superintendents just for the sexual harassment...
* Biden: the election will come down to HYPERSTIMULATION...
* mom: remember during covid when it was suggested that everyone get out of the house and go for a walk outside EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY?!!! for health. well i did just that.........and THAT is what caused my knee to buckle requiring a hellish wait for surgery...
Tim Heidecker: that sounds like my life.
* the pitch.
Abbot Butt wearing a Doc Brown wig: remember, here at the monastery THERE ARE NO PHONES...
Lucio stroking his chin: intriguing...
* jollificate: popcorn lover
* Tension Tamer: when THIS is the ONLY item you put down on the conveyor belt at the grocery store, that's a red flag...
chamomile: have you ever actually DRUNK chamomile tea?...
walker: when was the last time an old man in a beret walked up to you and said "Good Day" in that Fraggle Rock way.
Mary Collier: i was the basis for Fuerza...
* Ana Mendieta: FINALLY.........justice...
* Stu: my favorite song is the Smashing Pumpkins one, not the Beatles one...
* Lady-Datejust: what all Madames aspire to be...
Federer: someone stole my Rolex, walked up to me and snatched it right off my wrist...
* Georgics: Virgil's poems about kernels...
* Beverage antenna: used for watching the Super Bowl for FREE while on coke.........drinking Coke...
Roger Goodell: i smashed the damn thing in my home...
* Pageland: where Charles Dickens was born...
* electronica: it's not just video-game music...
Catherine Mary Stewart: right?
* Jen and i are at La Bicyclette restaurant in Carmel.
Jen R: now this is more our speed. get it? as in ten-speed cuz we don't drive.
me: but we don't really ride bikes.
Jen: i gotta get in a Muppet Movie mood first, you know?
Lance Armstrong is banging on the front door which is a gate.
Lance Armstrong: let me in!!!
Jen: why is Lance Armstrong banned from here?
Lorne Michaels: because he hosted SNL AFTER the dope thing.
Lance: because i washed dishes INSTEAD of eating...
* Jannik Sinner: eat your carrots, bitch.
Novak Djokovic: i ate a whole bag of those little brussel-sprout balls, i was farting up a storm the whole match. gluten-free farts.
Lucio: there he is, Jannik Sinner, there's the man, there's my countryman, i'm happy for him.
Carota Boys: we're like VeggieTales but we work for Satan...
Jannik Sinner: the Devil is the ultimate sinner, not me, avert your gaze AWAY from me...
* Carmen Miranda: you know, there's nothing more beautiful, more PRECIOSA, on God's banana Earth than a GIGANTE stack of 80 corn tortillas...
* crooked lettuce: from Salinas...
* Bustamante in a puffy coat: don't test me. i'll say it. i'll say it HERE.........go Lions.........and i'm not from Detroit...
* Gold Bond: do not attempt.........to be a model. it's too hard, this business is SAVAGE...
* Rachel in the Verizon commercial: i didn't get the part cuz they said i was too dramatic in my audition...
* woman in the Verizon commercial: so i thought i was trying out for a football referee...
* Airbnb.
Christopher Reeve: somewhere in a hotel you want to be Somewhere in Time in a hotel...
Christopher Reeve: you want to be at the tension tip, the pressure point where Playmobil meets The Sims. you're not a family until you dress in the same pajamas. when was the last time you went to bed at 6:30? PM? fireworks are the best NOT on Dec 31...
* Amazon.
me: there is NOTHING more beautiful than being a first-time father up at 4AM placing a baby bottle of formula in a small saucepot of boiling water on the stove.........waiting for those first tiny bubbles to form...
* Marcus is a connoisseur of junk. from your first frat loungechair to that Ross from Friends GIANT ice-cream-cone pillow to those mushroom lamps that are in the shape of a mushroom, not used to toke LSD. and those big plastic boxes that are supposed to look like glass that house his Garbage Pail Kids cards. and his hockey cards. do they make hockey cards? why? yes we all went to Bard College...
* Lily from AT&T: you won't recover from heroin addiction unless it's done in a gazebo. my gold necklace says DUST not AT&T. like my cut-off goth boots?
woman: i bought 4 sweaters. 4 is an unlucky number, it doesn't keep you MORE warm.
other woman: i'm just here for the cheese plate. the paper cheese plate.
Prevagen: okay we REALLY HATE this commercial. if you don't remember to take your memory pills...
* Gronk: why is Jon Stewart at this board meeting?
John Cena: i voted for Bernie Sanders.
* Saquon Barkley: i don't do my taxes myself not cuz of the hand, because i'm in the NFL, duh.
* GEICO.
Caveman: they would NEVER replace me with the SoBe lizard...
wife: i mean the GEICO Gecko can do a science-fair cardboard triptych in the 9th Grade, can you do that?
Caveman: no i never went to school.
wife: suddenly what you did for the knot in my shoulders is less sexy...
* Samsung Galaxy: Computer, i need you. get me one of those lamps that looks like a Wes Anderson hairless dog...
* Popeyes woman: i got that Cecilia-Phillips-cleavage energy goin' on.
Cecilia Phillips: you want cakes? eat shortcake.
happy weekend, my babies.
TOMORROW: i'm gonna try something quite novel. a very special day tomorrow, i'm gonna try and END-AROUND into getting DoorDash to deliver me McDonald's at my door. you can go to the McDonald's site, ask for the SPECIFIC location in Monterey by the bay, and watch the Monterey McDonald's magic sparks fly.........maybe. what would i get after so long? large McDonald's fries is a staple every Saturday supper. and a small McDonald's Coke cuz i haven't drunk McDonald's Fountain Coke since Dinosaurs was a hit TV show. those fountains are expensive.
No comments:
Post a Comment