IRONWORKERS: DODGE-MERRY-GO-ROUND

 

Gemini: the Buddhist carousel inspired me, i have an idea for a new American Gladiators game.

Siren: go on, i'm listening.

Gemini: so it's a merry-go-round but nix the horses, it's a spinning wheel made of soft felt and velcro, the contestant tries to stay on the spinning wheel as Gladiators heave medicine balls at their head. Adamle ups the pressure as each round the mph increases by a factor of 20. final round you're spinning at 300mph.

Siren: sounds plausible and fun.

Gemini: time is a flat circle.

Siren: what?.........oh at first i thought you were saying something else.........if it was that other flat-theory thing, i couldn't go on with this relationship.........remember to speak DIRECTLY in my line of sight.

tip creep: not the same as a creep tip...

Mike McDaniel: no i wasn't the kicker on my 8th-grade football team...

Bill Belichick: i'd like to congratulate Mike McDaniel on being the first kicker in NFL history to head-coach a team!!!

Boc: i love when the lesbians come out on Saturday mornings with their tiny dogs on leashes. there's a Taco Bell napkin in the safety deposit box. did you see that guy? he took a hit of bud right before he entered Lucky. oh my fucking God that scared the fuck out of me, there was a huge 5-gallon bottle in the Arrowhead water-filler!!!

Lucy Ricardo: ...

The Barnyard: hey are you lighting up here?

Boc: yeah it's my morning cigarette.

The Barnyard: you can't.

Boc: i'll vape then.

The Barnyard: can't. look at the sign, we added the word vape this morning...

Lucio: remember back in the day when you'd receive ZERO spam calls THE WHOLE DAY. you'd only get that ONE LATE-NIGHT CALL AT 3AM so you'd automatically know that was Vicky Bradford calling her milfy mother in a negligee Malory Archer about trouble in paradise...

Malory Archer: they didn't call me Marital-Problems Malory for nothing...

soda crackers: eat them with Coke, not AI Pepsi.

platelets: we cauterize your wound free without a surgeon...

Samantha Mohr: i really have the look of a Miss Georgia, right sugar? my tits big like Georgia peaches on monster fertilizer. i'm Jackie O if she had lived. you are the wind beneath my wings, Dr. Rick Knabb...

Tai: i'm the new Global Ambassador of Cipriani!!!

Luke Russert: cool asparagus. i mean THAT'S AWESOME!!! i was just trying to look cool in front of you. does this mean we get to live in Cyprus i mean Italy?

Tai: Luxembourg.

Luke: oh.

Tai: Luxembourg is better, Luxembourg is that quaint storybook-village place you liked, you can hide forever in a Luxembourgian painted cuckoo clock in the town square...

Lindy Lenz and Bruce Lee are at the Meadowlark Winter Walk of Lights.

Lindy Lenz: is this healing you? cos i can't.

Bruce Lee: yes, these lights are GREAT for my light therapy. that's the thing, November, December, and January, it gets dark so early you NEED LIGHTS to feel better about yourself.

Lindy Lenz: that's why the whole Christmas-lights thing started...

Lindy: here, here's my phone number.

Bruce looking away: no i can't. i just CAN'T!!! i can't just handle YOUR DIGITS, your digits are SACRED DIGITS, religious artifacts. i can't just have your number, own your number, to have this grand access to you, i mean we would REALLY be entering a deeper phase of our relationship.

Lindy: it's just a phone number. use it anytime, especially at 3AM.

Bruce: i shall use it only IN AN EMERGENCY. 

Lindy: okay thank you. but like REAL emergencies not imaginary emergencies in your head. fake stress crises. fake stress-simulators. i have epilepsy, whatever you have PALES in comparison.

the solid couple finish the night at the Buddhist temple in Los Angeles.

Lindy: please don't order for me.

Bruce: but i have a surprise. we won't be eating any food from this monk kitchen. look at the stalks outside.

Lindy: such pretty bamboo.

Bruce smiling: but that's not bamboo, that's.........BUCATINI!!! as they say in China, bon appetit.

Lindy: they don't really say that in San Francisco, either, it's more like CHOW DOWN!!!

water dance: you want it to rain? the rain has to hit your butt...

Mireille from French in Action: France don't crack.

Whitney Houston: black don't crack but crack is wack. Bobby and i conceived our daughter Bobbi Kristina in Paris by your cafe, Mireille.

Mireille: in the cafe?

Whitney: no the room upstairs. i saw Bryan Cranston wandering around aimlessly in that cafe completely lost shouting to meet a professor with Einstein hair, it was quite etrange.

Fuerza: i want only ONE WOMAN to portray me in the Lifetime movie and that's Margot Kidder...

Gary Busey: in that "Revival" episode of Outer Limits i was in, i didn't fuck Nicole Eggert, okay?...

Gary Busey: NUTS, Never Underestimate The Spirit, that's one of mine, i invented that, that's a bonafide Buseyism!!!

Samantha Mohr: the moment you look at me: firehose.

atmospheric river: ...

Samantha Mohr: i'm the hottest person in my nursing home.

Lionel Messi: tambourine is my instrument, not the vuvuzela...

vuvuzela: from Venezuela...

David Cassidy: they called me the Messi of Music.

Stick Man: my bundle of Wiltshire twigs built The Starship for those Led Zeppelin lads they did they did. but i got none credit, such was my lot in life. i was the first in my Medieval village with an aeronautics degree. i kicked the Allman Brothers off the plane. 

Led Zeppelin: instead of a private jet, shouldn't we have had a private zeppelin?...

Boc: i saw the bobcat Henzy for the first time roaming the parking lot, he's a wild cat. and i saw a Bobcat crane on a tractor trailer. it's like toy cars out there on the road, giant Mattel cars in the middle of the intersection waiting 5 seconds before they realize they have to back up. we're driving here, people, not playing bumper cars. it matters where you sleep down for Turkey Season.

ausfahrt: when flatulence exits your butt.

Guy Fawkes: penny for your thoughts? penny for the Guy? that was a LONG time ago, it's a quarter now for the arcade.

Pat Cranshaw: i was Skinny Santa...

Three's a Crowd: 22 precious episodes, 22 minutes each...

Trinity: that's me in The Marvels!!!

Trinity: gobble dog? how unrefined for Thanksgiving...

Boc: Fresh Oil. but why is the Road Closed? this is Roman Bath Time!!!

Gemini takes Siren to the Naumburg Bandshell in Central Park.

Gemini: this is the surprise. you can open your eyes.

Siren: i can open my eyes now? oh Gemini this place is SO ROMANTIC. the marble Atlas holding up the world...

Gemini: i know, right? it reminds me of the film She's Gotta Have It back when i still had my jheri curl.

Siren: bring back the jheri curl, big boy, it would look so sexy on you!!! this bandshell reminds me of when they filmed the musical Hair. cos you know, look at my mouth, i got BIG HAIR!!!

Gemini: but it's perfect for the '80s tho, it's all in style, it's all fluffed and feathered like Farrah Fawcett. hey, don't let anybody tell you you're just the female Malibu, that you look like the female Malibu.

Siren: hey Gemini, i like your idea but i have one note: replace the medicine ball with an Atlasphere...