Siren: Gemini, i'd like to to go through all the American Gladiators events you aren't proficient in, i want you to get as fit as possible for our big day um i mean for the big day for all of us.
Gemini: i know i know, the series finale.
Siren: i'll help you. like for instance Breakthrough & Conquer.
Gemini: that was the best day i had at the psychiatrist's office.
Siren: Gauntlet. remember when i scored 1000000000 points in Gauntlet at the arcade and the cabinet started to sizzle?
Gemini: tweren't no witchypoo smokebomb spellfire i tell you what, that was all you. Hang Tough.
Siren: i always like this event cos i get to hang on women's thighs without getting in trouble.
Gemini: Hit & Run. yes i had a four-car pileup on the Santa Monica Freeway that was my fault but i went to school instead of paying the fine.
Siren: smart guy.
Athens: in some corners it's a plate, in some corners it's a joke, the point is we like to eat with strangers.
Sylmar: it may be the ghetto, but it's still Los Angeles, so it's the best place on Earth.
Walmart: the hottest day in November.........we're not talking about global warming, we're talking about BLACK FRIDAY, people!!! swelteringly low prices!!!
froth bod: a body buff not from using weights but by drinking 7 cappuccinos with your cheeseburgers.
me inside the Amazing Stories end credits: when the neighborhood street goes from sunset to stars at night a WAVE of nostalgic bliss comes over me like a warm blanket, i want to live on that street forever.
Steven Spielberg: nothing more nostalgic than the neighborhood street you grew up on.
dad: takes me back to the Gilmore St. Pic-N-Save.
Ear Horn hugs dad.
Yale: i married you for fun. we keep it Rated X for the college theatre stage...
Martha Swope with camera in hand: this was the only play i ever attended...
Weird Al Yankovic: it was worth it to turn into a cabbage man to get Laraine Newman as my wife on a distant planet in the end. Laraine Newman has that.........ESSENCE to her...
Laraine Newman: we're talking about '80s Laraine Newman when my essence was pure premium leaded gas.
Weird Al: i don't mind a little engine knock if it means WE get to knock.
it's the 25th!!! of November...
Hershey's: you're replacing the bonfire with an oven? come on.
Ear Horn: you know the more i think about it, a bonfire IS more goth than an oven anyway...
Sinner: SO WE MEET AGAIN!!! i play you in the Finals Final and now in the Davis Cup Final!!!
Djokovic: hold my beer...
Amanda McClements: is LUSH a corporate chain or a small business?
Madame Pons: it's hard to tell in Carmel...
Talia: the kitty litter was completely untouched this morning, a latent layer, like a smooth wave...
Talia: food is more important than heat...
Tai: there's a Pippi Longstocking bust that stares at you from the window of the yoga parlor.
Luke Russert: those big heads creep me out. whenever a head is bigger than mine it's unnatural. what up, bighead?
leant: leaning on purple drank during Lent cos you gave up Coke.
immobilized: YOU wake up but your body doesn't wake up.........you can't move forever.........this is when you'd settle for Batman quick-head-turn neck pain.
Santa: the Christmas trees in Carmel are looking a little puny...
Talia: Temptations TenderFills, the grilled-salmon treats, they look so cool!!! bacony red bark on a mini-log, they look like alien trees from Mars!!!...
Boc: this place is a tsunami hazard zone?
Fuerza: don't worry, the tsunamis here are like volcanos in Iceland...
Jen R: let's go to Chimney Rock, Napa Valley, i'll hide one 50mL bottle of Dom in my pink grandma-sweater pocket...
me: bum bottle?
Jen R: pocket shot.
Brad Bird: am i mad Family Guy became more popular than Family Dog?.........no. i had no idea only spastics are able to truly enjoy and deep-dive-interpret cartoons...
Lucio's dad: that was always such an '80s thing to do, right? you'd eat dinner early as a family and then the whole family would stuff into their coats and the minivan and go out for ice cream. no family does this anymore. the late-night neon glow of the Baskin-Robbins sign...
Lucio: also robbers. remember? everyone in the '80s in the suburbs was OBSESSED with protecting their living-room furniture from burglars...
Dailymotion, Tubi, sometimes youtube: it's like going to film school for free...
Abbot Butt: the Pendle Hill Quaker Center, best 5 minutes of quiet i ever got.........good oatmeal there, too...
Leslie Sbrocco: Butter My Butt and Call me Biscuit, that was my PhD thesis at USF in San Francisco.
Bobby Hill: it's also the name of the King of the Hill sequel that follows me as i attend college at USF in San Francisco...
Morgan Bolling: dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians...
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: making it so, Patrick...
me: Three Little Pigskins, the Three Stooges played football on Gilmore St.!!! my homestreet!!!
Jean Harlow: you know, MOST FILMS AREN'T RATED...
me: it's time for my watching coat.
Mr. Kotter: do you wash your watching coat?
me: i put it on to watch you. and Twilight Zone and Three's a Crowd when it's night in December and i haven't paid for central heating my whole life.
Jack Tripper: there's a crowd.........Jack's Bistro replaced Jimmy Pesto's...
Vanessa from The Goes Wrong Show: i give good head erm good chin kiss...
NFT: that's your payment? NFS, Not For Sale...
Lynette Charles: i'm the only one who has fun with Paul Goodloe, i'm the only one who thinks he's funny...
Doryce on Carmel Beach: witch bottles? no, they're just filled with Surge soda...
Talia: Creamy Collection, i like that, it sounds so dirty...
Doryce: sparkle bag? that's my vagina.
Carly Severn: get ready for no more foodie shows, PBS is ALL IN on Christmas!!! '70s revival-revue concerts in gold glitter lame pants GALORE!!!...
Prevagen: you don't need to eat certain fruits and vegetables, no diet, just take our pills.
Daniel Amen, MD: amen.........i mean dot dot dot...
Daniel Amen, MD: SuperBeets? dot dot dot
Daniel Amen, MD: if all else fails, oil pills...
TetraNinja: everybody needs an NYC gamer as their low-key contact.
Mario: watch Toonami in the comfort of your own home. mushroom home. mushome.
Mahomes: ...
Luigi: don't watch Toonami at a dive bar...
Lucio: to be awakened not by a woman but by a spam call...
Kyle Brandt: i did the fucking MEDIA BLITZ last week, boy, i'm not saying i'm an atheist but I'm in the media so i don't believe NOTHING, namean?
Boc: the Barnyard Brick after Thanksgiving weekend looks like a Hollywood set, it's a ghost town, ALL the parking spaces are available. Jon Hamm the utility man in his reflective yellow-and-orange vest gives a Lucky fruitmover who looks like Santa a bear hug.
Paul: see my roof? it's a trail of popped balloons of Santa falling on his way to the chimneytop to deliver the presents. the reindeer have shit-eating grins. i'm in a festive mood, i got my knee surgery this month...
Paul: that's not dryer lint, that's the largest cat furball of all time on your doorstep...
Siren: Human Cannonball.
Gemini: that's just cruel, that's inhuman and inhumane, you're not supposed to fly through the air and POW!!! right into another human being balancing on a ten-foot pole. not even European circuses do that.
Siren: The Maze.
Gemini: cheese me please. cheddar is better. ah my Safeway days, working at that rancid deli...
Siren: Pyramid.
Gemini: they totally stole that from that Nickelodeon show...
Siren: Snapback.
Gemini: when i got whiplash from my car accident.
Siren: Swingshot.
Gemini: gonna be an Olympic event in Paris, rings are too dangerous. Vertigo.
Siren: the first time we had sex.
Gemini: The Eliminator.
Siren caresses Gemini's meaty shoulder.
Siren: Gemini, i will make SURE we never get eliminated. we're gonna make it. besides, the only cool thing about The Eliminator is that flat escalator and Chuck E. Cheese ball pit. Whiplash.
Gemini: oh i fucking LOVE that dog bone!!! that dog bone in Whiplash is like Popeye's bones. Siren, i want to OWN THE BONE with you forever.
Siren: we will, babe. but we gotta be patient. we gotta wait for our honeymoon night...
Siren: you ready? you fit? you good?
Gemini: fit and ready.
Siren: we're gonna run a marathon before our wedding on the day of our wedding day.
Gemini: we're.........wait what?...
Siren gets down on one knee without a kneepad.
Siren: oh yeah, will you marry me? i got an iron knee from all the spills i took on Human Cannonball.
Gemini: oh my god.........i wasn't ready for this.........i am so unprepared for this........i'm blushing.........yes.
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