Monday, November 7, 2022



1. you unexpectedly had sex with your friend's partner. you feel guilty. your friend's partner keeps texting you begging you not to say anything about the two of you having sex. would you tell your friend or keep mum?

it's amazing how these sex things always happen unexpectedly, like a scripted scene out of Coupling.........the good one, the British one, the TV show everyone watched before Skins. don't worry, i didn't receive any of your texts, my pager is on the fritz again. i have a work pager and a home pager and the paperboy who works at Fry's Electronics keeps flipping me off.........or is he showing me how to work the tiny computer?...

i will not tell your mom ONLY if you let me dress up as that beggar from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. or that gnome guy from Labyrinth.

2. how often would you like to spend time away from your significant other?

a) once a week 
b) once a month
c) never, we like to be together all the time

forever. as in i will forever be by your side. i don't get the other answers, if you don't want to BE with this person why are you WITH this person? the whole point is to BE with this person.........the two of us take Christmas photos in matching pajamas and put tiny Santa hats on our twin hamsters.

3. do you think couples should argue regularly for a happy relationship or marriage?

YES!!! ABSOLUTELY!!! LET IT ALL OUT!!! it's unhealthy physically and psychologically to keep everything in, all that's gonna do is cause a MASSIVE EXPLOSION later on down the line and divorce papers cos you kept it all in so your partner had no idea what you were going through. communication creates care. and self-care. a relationship is no place for politeness!!!

i've seen it before in session: the couple next to me have their first row, take a beat, then with ruddy cheeks they give each other a laughing hug cos they know they've made a breakthrough, that argument full of bad words and renal recriminations and nasty dressing-downs puts them on the path to saving their marriage.

4. what causes you to feel insecure in a relationship? when the S&M holster snaps and the whole hammock comes flying down in a broken metal mess, the CHAIN's moorings loosen and the ceiling needs a new coat of spackle from the dusty cracked hole. and that Fleetwood Mac song plays in the background...

BONUS: if you were asked, "why do you keep meeting the wrong people on dating apps?", what would you respond?

i don't believe in wrong people, you can make a relationship work WITH ANYBODY, you just gotta force it, jam a few things up there. i met my wife on an app called Windows Update.........that sucky thing UPLOADED FOR ONE DAY STRAIGHT!!!...

hey i gotta jet, i gotta get outta here and hunker down in my bunker, the ATRI'S A-COMIN'!!! THE ATMOSPHERIC RIVER IS NIGH!!!


Soloman Jackson said...

Interesting answers. Voice of experience maybe?

I tried Windows Update. I just ended up with the dreaded Blue Balls of Death.

the late phoenix said...

Soloman: my experiences have been.........well.........weird.

Blue Balls of Death, hahahahahaha, i know, right? that Windows Update took A WHOLE DAY to upload!!! i started to ask myself, do i REALLY need Windows 10?...