Friday, October 28, 2022




* Fujiko: there's a very powerful scene in the second-to-last episode of the Lupin III: Part 6 series, "The Memories of a Beloved Witch". it's pouring rain. bitter rain. i approach you, Lupin, because you've finally gone crazy, you've gone off the deep end from all your life chaos, all that running around, you've turned, you've gone over to the other side, the dark side, you've been Manchurian Candidate'd, Winter Soldiered. i touch your soaked blue-and-green jacket and whisper softly in your ear:

Fujiko: Lupin, only I may claim you.

Fujiko: that is so TENDER. i love it. i've never talked to you that way before, so real, not the usual back-and-forth tit-for-tat hijinks and psychological fooling around we play.
Lupin: and you do have some tits to play tat with. i was touched.
Fujiko: no games, just pure sincerity. best scene EVER written between the two of us interacting. this is when i prove to the audience that i actually DO care about you, it wasn't all just one big mindfuck for 60 years. i'm genuinely worried about you. i lean in and give you a bare hug, emotionally-bare hug, and a fragile wet kiss on your lips. it's sweet and somber.

Alexandra Maria Lara: i know about romantic rain, too...

Jigen: yeah i thought MY episode of unrequited love was the best one in 6. it's stark, it's serious, because love is serious. i show my soft side for once, i genuinely loved that woman and i genuinely think she's marrying the wrong man, it's not just a petty jealousy thing, it's pathos.

* Boc: EXERCISE IS FREE. exercise can be free if you walk in the morning. that's free exercise right there, all you have to do is walk in a strange area. don't have to pay a dime for health. who wants to pay late fees, who wants to be charged for a membership to some stinky gym?

* Terence McKenna: okay so i was off with the 2012 thing, but you know how the universe works, it's always off by 10 i'm thinking 2022...

Terence McKenna: yeah the problem was i COOKED the mushrooms, my grandma always guilted me into eating all her grey mushrooms cos she cooked them WITH LOVE, i had to clean my plate EVERY TIME, i got used to the cooked form of shrooms...

* Boc: coffee sure but you can't beat the cold, the 30-degree-Fahrenheit freezing COLD IN YOUR FACE to wake you as you walk in the morning. i'm my own Polar Bear Club. i'm just slowly seeing the sights, i'm not scouting out anything for plans. OH LOOK, a fellow hiker. OH LOOK, my first bicyclist riding down the middle of the empty highway!!!

* Bagel Bakery: we got a better view of the sunrise through our big-ass glass window than Baldemiro's Taco Shop does.
Melissa Maker in a blue wetsuit in the cold plunge: agree.
dolphin in the same cold-plunge pool: i got a crush on Melissa Maker.

* Madame Pons: in my LUSH shoppe today: champagne perfume, milk candles. come.

* Soakiness: the name of Mardith's band in high school

* Opendoor aquarium commercial: that woman is the American Amelie!!!

* Roger Federer: it's weird having the Basel Open without me. i OWNED the Basel Open. whenever i played it, i won it. this was my home tournament, my mom's basement is right next to the tennis court. next year, tho, i'm gonna OWN the Basel in i am going to be the business owner of the Basel Open, the CEO of the Basel Open.

* Cecily Strong: my Season 48 intro at the Chelsea Hotel. Cecily, Chelsea, get it? i'm a veteran now, the 4 newbie rookies call me Chelsea Cecily.
4: no, we call you Grandma Strong.

* Sheldon: in the unaired pilot of The Big Bang Theory, i was more cool, more like a Kurt Cobain type who was obsessed with cum and drew little semens with little semen tails in my high school physics notebook...

* Melissa Villasenor: i still have my youtube channel to work out my shit through comedy skits. one day i'll meet the man of my dreams: someone who can break my back during sex to cure my depression so i can stop taking these pills. it's an acupuncture thing. i'm doing well thanks for asking. with the youtube money i bought Villa Villekulla to live in, Pippi Longstocking's old house in La Brea...

* Jack Dorsey: did Musk just fire me? Elon Musk was calling me "Jack the Hack" in the halls just now...
Elon Musk: behind your back. behind your Jack back.
Jack Dorsey: i still have my jetpack.

* Del Mar French Laundry: Lupin III was born here, a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes iron-pressed by 3 fat French maids then left in a rolling laundry bin...

* Boc: notice the breakfast birds. don't feed them burnt bagel from the Bagel Bakery. there's nothing more spiritual than the first rays of sunshine from the sunrise filtering through a grocery store as you search for diapers. those bistro lights should be off by 7AM...

* Chris Cuomo: yeah i don't do morning. i don't do morning shows.

* Walmart annual Christmas advert
me: i love the holidays, i love when it snows cos the first frost gives me an excuse not to drive.
dad: we started shopping early this year, we started Dec 26 last year.
brother and sister on ladder: we go crazy with the lights, we get Griswolds with it. we're trying to decide who's the bigger asshole, Chevy Chase or Dan Harmon. 
sister on ladder: don't you dare...
grandma: food is life. my dumplings are empty, my dolma tastes like kitchen-fire smoke, my potato pancakes taste like Carl's Jr fries.
dad: i can carry 16 bags on my arms, ONE trip.........i thought this was grocery food, not Christmas presents...
Hanukkah: LIGHT THE WORLD with a TRILLION candles!!! the world needs it.
Santa in Hawaii: what do i want for Christmas? i want to see snow...
Diwali: you can't celebrate unless you DANCE, boy!!!
me: the holidays make you feel less alone. or more alone depending on your family. you don't have to be an adult for a few hours.........i took that to heart and for me ERRYDAY IS CHRISTMAS!!!

* Jamie from Progressive: that's my given birth name, Jay Money. remember, kids, LOCAL coffee shops, no more big-bad Starbucks. i saw you eyeing these scones earlier.
man: $4O BUCKS FOR ONE SCONE?!!!!!!!!!
Jamie: i have a confession to make, i've never changed a tire in my life...


happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: MCRIB, BABY!!!!!!!!! THE MCRIB!!!!!!!!! no i do NOT want to know how it's made!!!!!!!!! 

this is gonna be a cool weekend chewing a McRib to the SNL Halloween Special and then the next day we see how Death Note in the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror goes...

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