TMIT: MY CONFESSIONAL BOOTH IS RUSTY...

 

1. Confession booth. confess two things right here right now at TMI Tuesday: 

i'm a psychiatrist. but i'm also a priest.

2. i am guilty of ____ 

building confessional booths made of warped wood...

3. a big box is delivered to you. the address is correct but the name on the label is not you. do you open the box? this EXACTLY happened to me. one of those big blue Walmart boxes. it arrived at my coconut bungalow but it was addressed to the previous owner, Lupin III. i opened the box: inside was a rubber Scooby-Doo mask...

4. how long have you held a grudge? ever since that Japanese girl in the white sheer psych-ward gown with the long straight raven-black butt-length hair ghosted me for the dashing handsome debonair real-gold-spiky-haired man in the crushed-purple-velvet pimp suit. with one wave of his hand clutching a card betwixt his long bony fingers did he sway her to his side. Yu-Gi-Oh. it crushed me to get ghosted. it's ironic too cos Yu-Gi-Oh is just a spirit...

5. does anyone have a grudge against you? why? yes. everyone in the world hates me. cos i'm a blogger. everyone wants what i have, everyone wants to blog. everyone desires blogging but only the very few actually can blog.........because nobody can remember that fucking complicated long-ass Blogspot WiFi password...

BONUS: there is one thing in my life i wish i had not done. i wish i had not ____

---dropped out of college with one essay left, on how Spongebob exemplifies postmodern fake-it-till-you-make-it

---eaten that purple Skittle in the forest that made me a cripple

---auditioned for the porn Rock Hard of Ages

---handed over my screenplay to Ronald Reagan while on a tour of the White House

---NOT GOTTEN JENNIFER PIZARRO'S PHONE NUMBER BEFORE SHE LEFT FOR TOLEDO ON THAT GODDAMN GREEN BUS!!! olive-green bus. 

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