notes:
* French in Action reunion: it's TOO PERFECT that this is being held at Yale.
Mireille Belleau: i still got two balloons. i STILL look good despite my age, FRENCH DON'T CRACK. i look better than Brigitte Bardot did when she turned into a hag.
Robert Taylor: my name was Robert Taylor? i had a more interesting mayonnaise real name. i STILL look good. i haven't aged a DAY!!! even tho i traded in my Yale sweater for a fan T-shirt of the heavy-metal band Phoenix.
Professor Capretz: HOW THE HELL AM I STILL ALIVE?!!! i mean i was old TO START WITH back in the '80s at the start of this program!!! it's one of those Jean-Luc Picard situations. i had to get this Dennis the Menace haircut to save face. i made everyone in my classroom FREAK and pee their pants when i started speaking English in the room. i shoulda played Popeye, not Robin Williams.
* Charles Mayer: oui, Valerie!!! blessed angel, your face is full of wrinkles now and i kiss it with dignity, respect, the purest of love, the reverence of lived time. your face in all its bumps scrapes and bruises represents your pain and hardship. your face is the DELICATE SPECIAL JOURNEY we went on together, only the two of us know. you're like a sister to me!!!
Valerie: thanks, Chuck Bob, you're a real dear. so i guess you didn't die in a motorcycle crash like the audience was led to believe on that final shot in the last episode, you riding away on that scooter into the sunset. alone.
Charles: i wore my helmet. i really thought there was gonna be a second season, at least do a wrap-up movie or something.
Pierre Capretz: THIS REUNION is the wrap-up movie.
* Dawsonville: take the Southern Stairs to see the alternate timeline where Katie Holmes chooses Pacie instead of Tom Cruise...
* walk the runway...
* crepe myrtles: actually delicate painted houses and rooftops...
* calumet pipe: the smoke is lavender cream.
Janine Turner: ...
* Pete Davidson: my dream came true. i had a kid. with Kate Beckinsale. his name is Sale. as in it's pronounced Sa-Lay...
* Juliette Binoche: i am TERRIFIED of dating Spider-Man. i had to walk under a ladder on a smelly French street smelling of croissant to get myself out of that date. when that didn't work i did a Moroccan boobs-n-butts wedding dance under the ladder. my daughter Hana ran off with Gargamel...
* Codrus: it's all always cut and dry to me.........like a Soul Asylum song...
* Sonic: our summer snacks, all new, all summer, changes every month, so we have exactly 3 summer snacks...
* Cotard: life hack tip of the day: wait till you heat up that chalice of cabernet-sauvignon-sausage spaghetti sauce.........only when you cook it do you smell that hot wine.
* Anthony Edwards: everyone gets the medical dramas mixed up, i did my doctor work at a Chicago hospital, not a Seattle hospital. i did pitch for the Seattle Mariners against the New York Yankees once...
* Celine from the Before Trilogy: i'll take that boisson. merci.
Mireille from French in Action: hey bitch, i was here first...
* Violetta Laze: feeling sluggish? it's Cancer Season. Cancer Season is cancer.
* Brooks Nader: yes i'm the daughter of Ralph Nader. can't you tell?
* General Foods International coffees: we're supposed to be the height of sophistication. so why is "General" in our name?
* Shakopee: Shakespeare's REAL home town. the REAL origin story of Hamlet...
* Steven Spielberg: do i look better with or without the ponytail?...
* soft hooligans: we use bricks.........of butter.
* Janette Oak: i write Christian lesbian erotica...
* sandstone: the official stone of electronica.........sandstone sun.
* bonnet-ripper: sex scenes between seamstresses...
* rally skirt: pleated, made of wooden boxcars.
* T-Mobile: you can only get coverage if the rock formation you're under is in a perfect circle. not available in space. well there's ONE bar in space: to feed Elon Musk's twitter...
* Verizon: tell everyone.
doctor: i can't come out and help when the bush is here. otherwise i go back into the hedges and wait for my favorite Simpsons episode from the '90s to repeat.
man: hi. i'm the Mexican Weird Al...
* Progressive
Mara: omg look at my puffy cheeks! i look EXACTLY like Flo now!!! THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE!!!
Mara: who wants to go to Paris? Paris is burning i mean boring. wouldn't you rather go to Toledo where Hell is located?
Mara: want some tacos?
man: yes but the tacos at Chipotle are surprisingly bad.
Mara: i just proved that Reverse Psychology didn't die out with Freud in the 1980s...
* Samsung Mobile
girl: it's like Fort Knox.
boy: why do you have a chain for a belt?
girl: trust me, i have a British accent. and i'm tall. and i wear bellbottoms.
boy: why are we at a bar? are you sure you are at least 18?
girl: no but i was on House of Anubis so i matured quickly.
* Kathryn Hahn: camel. llama. my favorite band growing up was Silverchair, they liked emus...
Kathryn Hahn: crayons were meant to go into both nostrils of the nose. crayons were the first vaccines. look at a crayon's shape...
* Verizon
young man: i'm Kurt Cobain if he were a ginger.........as if Kurt didn't have enough problems. and if plaid was just grey plaid you know? not green or red plaid.
* Walmart: we get it, you're just getting by. your ENTIRE life purpose is to get that copper watering can. sometimes the dog is in the wheelchair and you're the one with the plastic collar around your neck. dad, don't pat your son on the stomach when you give him your pop heart-to-heart convo, your son may have a tummy ailment. high-five his armpit instead.
* Kid Cudi: Camp McDonald's is cool. but it's too busy, you have no idea what's going on here, there are 50,000 things going on at the same time.
* 1950 Census: your grandparents returned home from the war flush with Boomer money. they were able to buy a house and a front lawn and a lawn sprinkler...
* BEHR paint
Lisa Gilroy: i didn't steal that joke from Craig Robinson's pizza. check out my twitter where i do a monologue from Austin Powers in a sad way, it's HILARIOUS. carrots have feelings, too. my standup is about carrots but it's not only about carrots, it's about an influential next-door neighbor i had.
* IKEA: this longtable was used to play the first game of whiff-whaff uh ping-pong table tennis in a 1066 English castle...
happy weekend, my babies. i just found out that there's like, 10, new flavors of Gevalia coffee i haven't yet tried. i've tried the Royal flavor but not the Deep Purple Royal flavor. can i have that cup of coffee with Lorde? i'll be stalking the Walmart website the rest of the night...
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