Friday, July 15, 2022





* Carl Sagan: the photos were nice this week, thanks, Webb Telescope. Stephan's Quintet collided into each other billions of years ago to form the first bumper-cars in the sky. and the first nuclear war in space. the argument arose after Bill Hader pronounced his SNL character's name wrong. the Carina Nebula was named after my first girlfriend, a Playboy supermodel i got just to stick it to Johnny Carson. you're not gonna believe this but i know this firsthand: the Carina Nebula is ALL BUTTER. now the one thing i don't get, the cosmic horizon and everything i know but, not enough light in outer space i know but, i mean what came first, the universe or my black-galaxy formica granite kitchen countertop? i got Lowe's to do my KITCHEN SINK in all black-galaxy formica too just as a precaution.

* Coco Gauff: i know where the last Coco's Bakery Restaurant in California is...

* Guy Fieri: tasteless. not me, my spaghetti sauce is in it has no taste.

* r.g. Burgers: we got rid of 25 of our 30 sublime burger flavors. pandemic cutbacks.
Bob Belcher: i feel you, i really do. let me put my arm around you. at the same time there's no point going to r.g. Burgers anymore if you can't get the Lemon Pepper burger.........i mean i'd even tolerate your Chili Burger but you don't even have that anymore.

* R.E.M. "Tongue" music video: hey it's Greenlee from All My Children!!! how's Bob Guiney doing? Bob Guiney, wow!!! haven't heard that name in AGES. remember how cool Bob Guiney was?...

* Sandbag from Super Smash Bros: i'm not a tampon.

* Karl Ravech hiding in an undisclosed dugout in Toronto: look at my mouth, i have that sneaky handsome triangular smile...

* Allstate
Rachael: tight squeeze here. how'm i driving?
Alicia Keys: okay.
Rachael: i'm not scared of this government drone above me cos it's your soothing voice, Alicia.
Alicia Keys: there's a back-camera you know.
Rachael: that's for suckers. that's for cheaters. i only use that camera to spy on my ex Blu of Earth...

* MySlippers: as soft as a Jesus lion...

* Where The Crawdads Sing: it's a murder mystery...

* Dell/Intel
applicant: i need a job.
Dell: you can only be a computer tech if you have green hair. do you at least whistle?
applicant: i tried once and lost all my teeth.

happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: i mean it was gonna be r.g. Burgers but.........

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