TMIT: I FEEL SO CLEAN

 

1. you went to dinner on a first date and your date took care of the bill but when you get home you get a text from your date: Venmo request (money transfer app, TransferWise, PayPal Worldremit Azimo) for half the cost of dinner. do you:

a) pay the Venmo and up your chance for Date #2

b) only pay what consumed you

c) pay nothing, when face-to-face you did not agree to go dutch 

d) call date and text WTF!!!!!

honestly i'm happy to pay for both of us, to be on a date is a miracle nowadays, what with so many things going on in the world. i never go halfsies cos i'm scared people will find out i am in fact half-Dutch. remit is a cool word, people don't use remit enough, only baseball catchers. wasn't Azimo the villain of Korra? i lost all my fortune trying to buy one comic book from PayPal, still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, like Wonder Woman's invisible lips.

2. does anyone owe you over twenty dollars? how many? how much?

Andrew Jackson, but i'm not collecting, he can keep it, i hate that man.

3. are you one to sneak food into movie theatres?

goddess honest truth, the last movie i saw in theatres was one of the Star Warses. the bad sequels. i had forgotten what genuine movie popcorn tasted like. all i got that night was a cup of liquid butter. i eat dinner at the movie theatre, i slide my armrest to form a table and slide out the plate hiding under my hoodie: filet mignon, potatoes n chives, linguica, rainbow sherbet.

4. what do you want to brag about? 

i feel so clean. i FINALLY got the 1-800-GOT-JUNK folk to come to my monastery, i've been waiting for this day for SEVEN YEARS! 7 is a lucky number. just like in the commercial, i pointed to anything my heart desired and they took it away!!! the dog cage, my old Berkeley bed, and BOTH arcade-cabinet tvs! i STILL have never had a big-screen tv in my room...

and then my neighbor who's a priest climbed over my fence cos there was a ruckus this morning, he looked both blue-shirted workers in the eye and pointed to the sun...

5. what do you get in trouble for the most?

saying hi to complete strangers

BONUS: what is in your attic? my priest.

he's sleeping there now, he's scared of the sun.

 

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