Friday, July 16, 2021




* - but wait isn't everybody dead?
- no the problem was there were no more white onesies cos Wimbledon skipped a year
- there was a surplus of jock straps at the army supply store
- the director may be, but his vision lives on on celluloid
- nobody's dead, it was all a dream! violence existed before video. there will always be art galleries inside people's homes

* Kevin Costner: so today i say unto you, i shall play Anthony Bourdain.........and per Tony's wishes it will NOT be a Lifetime movie...

* Boc: when i water now i use the new Hempvana gloves. makes me more attuned to the lawn, grass to grass.
Kurt Cobain: if pot had been legal while i was alive i'd be alive now.

* Phoenix: weird wobbly day with the ol' brain today. it's back. the many corridors of my mind going all zigzaggy and only a forced nap can close some of the doors. coffee helps.

* Little Caesars cute man: i may be tiny but i have a booming voice. hey at least i'm not that other guy with the mustache who talked so fast no one could understand him.

* if you whisper it turns vegan

* Woody Harrelson: i've gotten too old for this Hollywood shit. i'm retiring to Texas like everyone else. they don't allow the violence i like anymore.
peach dog: those aren't bales that's Christian Bale he's gaining on you!
Woody: like finding a hay in a haystack. i'll just steal this phone all the phones are the same, right?

* Madame Pons: yes that's what i would like to know! how DO i make overhead just selling candles?!!!
dad: can i fuck the models? they're just dummies.
Dr Rick: no this isn't a Twilight Zone episode, this is REAL.
dad: why don't you respect me, Gen Beta?
teenager: the pager belt you wear.
dad: coi pond. coi, as in i'm a famous tennis player...

* Kuerten's son: i'm sitting in a giant cathedral of recyclable trash. yeah i've got a few ideas. 
Sinead O'Connor's daughter: my watch uses wind.
kids on a bike: it's not as fun riding a bike when the parking lot is full.
ragtag band: hey DON'T CUT DOWN ANYMORE OF THE AMAZON FOREST YOU FUCKING PIG! this used to be Garden of Eden now it's Lord of the Flies!!!
woman in Neo Tokyo: if i can grow food in my room you can cancel the Olympics.
kids: we might as well be living in Mesopotamia!
Kuerten's son: and i don't even HAVE grandkids!......i haven't met the right person.........i'm saving myself for Madonna.

* Telluride commercial: the trailer for Before Trilogy Part 4...

* if it goes to a Game 8 you win the Taco Bell Company! we've completely run out of ideas on how to package Mexican food in a new way, there's nothing more we can do...

* hey Google, why can't we just BE

* Credit Karma Leaf Blower: there's that dad again.........the Blink 182 dad

* -  tomorrow Wheelchair Tom Brady is out there...
- tomorrow don't dump water on the first-time runner
- tomorrow shoe seeds will bankrupt Michael Jordan
- we will respect athletes' mental health.........and ship them out to space...
- Elon Musk will win the 100-Yard Dash
- tomorrow we will FINALLY only do horse races with horse plushies
- and TOMORROW we will NOT ban pot at the Olympics!!!

* Ted Lasso: every bloke goes through it: streaks in their shorts, missing a penalty kick, getting dumped on bicoastal tv

happy weekend, my babies

TOMORROW: In N Out. going IN for the first time in 2 years. miss that crowd, miss that crowd noise, sounds like a freight train barreling toward your eardrum. that burger shoppe is in the same scalene shape as the French-tickler boutique from 9 1/2 Weeks  

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