notes:
* this is it, this is the EXACT tape. my first exposure to rap...which explains so much about my life. it's so old Vanilla has a beard. i remember that star on top. i'm ashamed to admit if it wasn't for this album, i still wouldn't know who Queen were.
* still didn't make me like college football tho. Miami? it was okay for white boys to get funky as long as the first time was wild. decades later the Ciara Bravo film makes sense. i bought my first juicer cos of this but the wiring was loose so it never gave me the nutrients to make me big and strong like Vanilla's hair.
* true story: i played my first-ever crush "I Love You" by Vanilla Ice. then next morning two bulky men in ill-fitting white shirts break into my bedroom, crunch on the bush with their boots, and take me away. has a happy ending tho, at the hospital i watched my first-ever episode of In Living Color and the rest is history...
* i decided to be an extrovert at my school for the first time ever and joined a club. i got on the waiting list for the roster to play rastafarian music, which was a step in the right direction when it came to me and culture. and then i saw my crush again. i had prepared an epic Byronic poem, 1000 stanzas just for her, if that isn't to the extreme i don't know what is. i got up on stage and was about to recite......then i farted for 15 minutes. NEVER had Beeferoni again...
* i couldn't let anybody actually SEE me with this tape of course, it was too embarrassing. so when my mom came back from her nurse rounds at Beverly Hills Hospital---the same hospital i was born at i learn 30 years later---i impulsively toss it in the bush between my one-step stoop and the welcome mat. never to be found again. since then many keys have been found at that spot but not Vanilla. even a key to get into Reggie Miller's Wendy's bubble...
Reggie Miller: my sister is like a slash version of me...
* Dan Evans: you know what's going to happen, right? Djokovic will beat Nadal at the French Open then lose to me in the Final!
* the Ukraine-Russia thing was dormant but is heated again. shame. the BBC reports show these decimated villages in the outpostiest of rural outposts, no more children just one babushka grandma in purple headscarf bemoaning the utter uselessness of war. it's a Black Clover village in real life.
* it's time for school, would you rather continue zoom learning or have in-person learning at the beach?.........either way guaranteed you won't learn a thing all year...
* Vanilla Ice: do you know what my tats mean? cos i forgot.
* Vanilla: notice how i'm wearing an American hat for unity but the blue is the dominant color.........for cold-washing...
* Stone Cold: collaborate?
Vanilla Ice: i don't have an Instagram...
* Vanilla: don't be offended by all my vanilla products, i like chocolate, too.
Ice-T: hey man, i was mad at you for decades but then Eminem came along...
* Ice-T: it saves you 100 dollars, enough to buy a bat...
* Stone Cold: back in the day your mother did wash with cold, there was no hot water in the village.
Vanilla Ice: back in the day my mom wore less than a bikini...cos she was poor...
* Ice-T: you never know who might show up after 10 years...
Vanilla: my dad?...
TOMORROW: uncertain cos no one knows when the funeral ends, which itself is existential. it's uncomfortable catering for a funeral but i'm thinking TOGO's large Italian. take the gun leave the cannoli. Lucio Rossi, love you forever. do you know how far one will go for a TOGO's sub? swim with sharks? no one knows but that's their slogan, it's a California thing...
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