notes:
* HAPPY EASTER he says as the drone drops his Garfield devil beach towel. in the '80s as a kid he had a Garfield in a cute devil costume, now he has a Garfield with Satan goat horns growing out of his head...
* Zack Morris: i don't remember the Indian scene. it's very faint and vague in my fuzzy head, a thing i did but don't quite remember the motions of doing, you know like the first time as a kid you did Lazer Tag...yeah something where i donned the Native American feather headdress and did a little jig by the green blackboard and chanted...chanted my multiplication tables...and wore facepaint but you know that paint could have been from paintball...
* Boc: Dirg, you know it's cool the money-managing commercial features an openly out and proud bulky gay man in all black dancing and swaying away, nobody was a money-manager in the '80s...
* Vanilla Ice: i wear this American cap but i'm not accepted by either side: the right thinks i'm trying to be black and the left accuses me of cultural appropriation. did Eminem have these problems?...
Phoenix: love the red retro phones...
Ice-T: you stole my act/ this isn't TaxAct/ gimme that bat!
Vanilla Ice: did you get that thing i sent ya?
Ice-T: i told you man you auditioned for the part of Stabler but didn't get it...
Vanilla Ice: i slept with your mother.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: i know, i'm a Bible-reading man so i'm down with polygamy...
* TurboTax: we tried to get John Travolta for this but he's still in mourning. they say exercise helps with grief, so go big! go bold! go back to more innocent '80s days, put on your puce leotard, put a legwarmer around your forehead and jazzercise!
* little girl: this is cute and all but GET OFF MY BACK, CAT!!!
cat familiars: GET HIM OUT OF THAT CAGE, I DON'T CARE IF THE BARS ARE SQUEAKY!
* Jeff Goldblum: there is no American Dream. ironically i got this apartment at Lowe's, it was sitting there in the plant section. all the paint on my face has chipped. they wanted me to play Ahab but i was more suited for Ishmael.
Ishmael: i narrate the book, people think Ahab narrates the book...
Laertus: i like the name Ishmael...
Karnov: i play the husband on This Is Us. the electric naildriver is still stuck in the wall...
Craig of the Creek in real life...
Lowe's: 100 years is about when a house starts falling apart and should be demolished...
woman in yellow: but first, a selfie.
husband: take the selfie but this isn't our house...
Hiro from Heroes: i got this anime sweatshirt from Tom DeLonge...i'm not saying hello, i'm saying Elo, i will whoop your ass in chess...
* man: i LOVE pickleball. but i don't like sour things.
Morty: fuck you, fans, there won't be a Season 6 cos of your bitching...
woman: no pickleball is like tennis.
Roger Federer: YOU UGLY!!!
man: sorry about that, i put Roger on mute. so i like oat milk but only if it's filled with tons of sugar, i'm a health nut...
woman: i'm sweet, i like getting licked by dogs. i better see you dancing on our date.
man: only if it's a tango bar in 1972 Paris thank you very much, i'll pass you the check, you pass me the butter...
* Father Clifford: i'm not the monk on youtube with the burly self-flagellation rope, i'm Peter from Ballykissangel. i lost my faith when Assumpta died and became a monk, which is the worst thing a priest can do...
happy weekend, my babies
TOMORROW: the KFC Chicken Sandwich, dun dun DUN!!! and fries, it's gonna be a McDonald's order at KFC!!!...
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