1. has money ever ruined a relationship for you?
i was a seasonal Santa at the mall one Christmas. i was ringing the bell for the red Salvation Army kettle and pulling in mucho dinero. a nice loaf of dough. i had amassed $30,000 when Tom from Tom and Jerry came scurrying round the bend and kicked over my kettle and it broke.
i had a hell of a time trying to replace the damn thing. finally i stopped in to the local Dollar Store and they had a red kettle but it was rare in that size and they told me it would set me back $30,001...
2. have you ever successfully negotiated a pay raise?
i got David Brent to help me but he was a useless git. found out later he was negotiating a pay rise...
my boss was one of those hardheaded tweekers on the top floor who never paid no mind to the plebeians in the aqueducts. until i told him,
i want a V A P O R W A V E car. i want to have a fish's babies. the Raiders will only be a winner if they're sponsored by Dragon Ball parodies. Lear jets also make pens. i am most certainly in the right! Dick Cheney was cruisin' for a bruisin' but he stashed all the a la orange sauce.
3. what piece of MONEY advice would you tell your younger self?
don't get caught in the eternal loop of Wall Street highs and lows. that's what Itachi told his younger brother Sasuke. if only Michael Douglas had given Shia LaBeouf career advice...
4. have you ever paid for sex or been paid for sex?
yes. twice. with Jim Cramer. weirdly, he doesn't utter a sound when he's making love...
5. are you hiding a financial secret?
i put George Costanza's life savings into Bernie Madoff's account...
BONUS: have you made someone smile today? if not, please take up the challenge and make someone smile:
i made Shinra Kusakabe smile bit it was hard to tell...
i made the Momo mama bird smile, am i doing the Challenge thing right?...
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